we can, no must cry, wail, moan laugh, sing, scream
tell these same gender loving stories
though they bruise our hearts speak these ugly facts
that parade as truth we must speak for those whose tongues
have been slashed at the root
stand for those who have been limbed from thigh to ankle
like trees in Jamaica sing for those whose songs
have been ripped from their throats dance for those stilled
by rhythmic blows to their bodies we must be the wind for the fledgings
trying to flex their wings we must bear them up
lift them hold them close dry their tears
feed them not cannibalize them
dispense generous doses of antidotes for hate
prepare them for the probability of exclusion
baptize them in limpid pools of love and light
thicken their delicate skin against insidious intolerance
teach them how to soar how to be
tell them show them they are loved
speak life to them teach them how to survive.
In memory of
Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover (11)
Jaheem Herrera (11)
Tyler Clementi (18)
Seth Walsh (13)
Billy Lucas (15)
Asher Brown (13)
Zach Harrington (19)
Aiyisha Hassan (19)
Nokia Cowan
Victor Jarrett (26)
Sakia Gunn (15)
Matthew Sheperd (21)
and the countless other same gender loving youth, whose names I do not know, who took their own lives or had their lives ended because of who they were….
(c) fabian thomas
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Veteran Jamaican singer speaks gay rights in song
International reggae singer Mista Majah P formerly known Major P may create history with the release of his new song “Rights.”
Mista Majah P was born in Kingston Jamaica, but migrated to Canada at an early age. He was the recipient of the Canadian Reggae music award on several occasions. P now resides in the United States.
Majah P is the first ever Reggae artist to make a song that promotes love for gays. The song “Rights” might create some controversy in the Reggae community, but Majah is an artist on a mission to change the face of reggae music, according to his manager Tony T.
“Rights” covers the touchy topic of gay rights versus reggae music, two sides that has been bitter enemies from as far back as Reggae/Dancehall music goes. But more so now that before, gays are stepping up their pressure against Reggae and Dancehall artist in what they called a campaign against “Murder Music.” This is causing a tremendous fallout in revenue for Reggae and Dancehall artists going on tours.
To further highlight the issue between gay rights activists and reggae artists; Buju Banton hit song “Boom Bye Bye” in the early 1990’s, created major controversies back then and could be seen as the song that single handedly triggered a global response from gay rights activist. Almost two decades later “Boom Bye Bye” is still affecting Buju Banton, since many of his tour dates late last year was cancelled due to protests by gay rights groups.
Just two weeks ago Urban Islandz reported to you that Capleton show in Chicago was cancelled because of gay rights pressure on the promoter. Additionally, last week we reported that dancehall artist Vybz Kartel whose real name is Adidja Palmer was forced to sign the Reggae Compassionate Act while on tour in Europe to avoid his shows from being cancelled.
Tony T said these are the main issues why Majah P was prompted to release the song “Rights.”
“What my artist hope to accomplish is to start a conversation between the gay community, the reggae artists and the world. The reason is my artist is tired of having door slam in his face and the face of all reggae artist and fellow Jamaican who get blame for what a few do or what they think or believe in. You have to remember that not all reggae artist or Jamaican hate or discriminate against gays. My artist biggest problem is he believes he is being stereotype by certain people or certain organization saying that you got dread and you come from Jamaica, right away they single you out saying there is another Jamaican who is using his music to spread hate and death and that has to stop.”
Tony also added, “The motivation behind this song is Mista Majah P believes that these artist who are talking so strongly and discriminating against gays are hypocrites, they say one thing in Jamaica and do another thing when they are out of Jamaica, when they come and perform in Canada or the state, especially in California ninety per cent of their audience is gay, or the club they are performing in is own by the gay community, they close their eye and collect the money and go back to Jamaica or where they come from and pretend and to me that is a double standard. Don’t spew hate and death on gays and close your eye and take there money. That is not right”
Without doubts, the song is expected to create some controversies in the Reggae community. Urban Islandz took the opportunity to ask some Reggae fans how do they feel about the song?
One outspoken fan said, “I don’t think the gay community problem is reggae music, they should focus on their real issues which is the message they are portraying in society and leave Reggae artists alone. This new song by this artist is trying to change Reggae music culture.”
Another fan expresses that, “the song is sending the right message where reggae music and the gay community is concern, and it’s time to deviate from hate lyrics and make amends with the gays and move the music forward.”
Obviously there will be fans who take both sides of the divide, so we ask Tony how Majah P plans to deal with the controversies that will arise as a result of the song.
“If there is controversy and i am sure there will be Mista Majah P and his camp can deal with that Mista Majah P is a very intelligent person plus he is very diplomatic and also he is a born leader he has a silver tongue he is a politician in the making.”
Tony T said they are already receiving positive response from promoters in the United States since the release of the video on Youtube.
“After releasing this video on Youtube we got a call from a promoter asking permission to use the video to promote his label and his reggae show telling us that he was having a very hard time because club and shop owner would not allow him to put up or leave flyer with artist from Jamaica or any body doing any form of reggae show because reggae was now murder music and they will not promote nothing like that can you believe that.”
The question now is, what response does the rest of Reggae artists have for this song?
Mista Majah P was born in Kingston Jamaica, but migrated to Canada at an early age. He was the recipient of the Canadian Reggae music award on several occasions. P now resides in the United States.
Majah P is the first ever Reggae artist to make a song that promotes love for gays. The song “Rights” might create some controversy in the Reggae community, but Majah is an artist on a mission to change the face of reggae music, according to his manager Tony T.
“Rights” covers the touchy topic of gay rights versus reggae music, two sides that has been bitter enemies from as far back as Reggae/Dancehall music goes. But more so now that before, gays are stepping up their pressure against Reggae and Dancehall artist in what they called a campaign against “Murder Music.” This is causing a tremendous fallout in revenue for Reggae and Dancehall artists going on tours.
To further highlight the issue between gay rights activists and reggae artists; Buju Banton hit song “Boom Bye Bye” in the early 1990’s, created major controversies back then and could be seen as the song that single handedly triggered a global response from gay rights activist. Almost two decades later “Boom Bye Bye” is still affecting Buju Banton, since many of his tour dates late last year was cancelled due to protests by gay rights groups.
Just two weeks ago Urban Islandz reported to you that Capleton show in Chicago was cancelled because of gay rights pressure on the promoter. Additionally, last week we reported that dancehall artist Vybz Kartel whose real name is Adidja Palmer was forced to sign the Reggae Compassionate Act while on tour in Europe to avoid his shows from being cancelled.
Tony T said these are the main issues why Majah P was prompted to release the song “Rights.”
“What my artist hope to accomplish is to start a conversation between the gay community, the reggae artists and the world. The reason is my artist is tired of having door slam in his face and the face of all reggae artist and fellow Jamaican who get blame for what a few do or what they think or believe in. You have to remember that not all reggae artist or Jamaican hate or discriminate against gays. My artist biggest problem is he believes he is being stereotype by certain people or certain organization saying that you got dread and you come from Jamaica, right away they single you out saying there is another Jamaican who is using his music to spread hate and death and that has to stop.”
Tony also added, “The motivation behind this song is Mista Majah P believes that these artist who are talking so strongly and discriminating against gays are hypocrites, they say one thing in Jamaica and do another thing when they are out of Jamaica, when they come and perform in Canada or the state, especially in California ninety per cent of their audience is gay, or the club they are performing in is own by the gay community, they close their eye and collect the money and go back to Jamaica or where they come from and pretend and to me that is a double standard. Don’t spew hate and death on gays and close your eye and take there money. That is not right”
Without doubts, the song is expected to create some controversies in the Reggae community. Urban Islandz took the opportunity to ask some Reggae fans how do they feel about the song?
One outspoken fan said, “I don’t think the gay community problem is reggae music, they should focus on their real issues which is the message they are portraying in society and leave Reggae artists alone. This new song by this artist is trying to change Reggae music culture.”
Another fan expresses that, “the song is sending the right message where reggae music and the gay community is concern, and it’s time to deviate from hate lyrics and make amends with the gays and move the music forward.”
Obviously there will be fans who take both sides of the divide, so we ask Tony how Majah P plans to deal with the controversies that will arise as a result of the song.
“If there is controversy and i am sure there will be Mista Majah P and his camp can deal with that Mista Majah P is a very intelligent person plus he is very diplomatic and also he is a born leader he has a silver tongue he is a politician in the making.”
Tony T said they are already receiving positive response from promoters in the United States since the release of the video on Youtube.
“After releasing this video on Youtube we got a call from a promoter asking permission to use the video to promote his label and his reggae show telling us that he was having a very hard time because club and shop owner would not allow him to put up or leave flyer with artist from Jamaica or any body doing any form of reggae show because reggae was now murder music and they will not promote nothing like that can you believe that.”
The question now is, what response does the rest of Reggae artists have for this song?
This Question of Homosexuality (Gleaner, Januay 27. 1980) (Flashback)
THE DECADES of the 60's and the 70's have been'marked by numerous kinds of human liberation struggles which included among'others the Civil Rights movement in the United States and went straight into the women's liberation movement and the struggles of black people in Southern Africa. Somewhere in the middle of all that. the international homosexual community
jumped' on the bandwaggon and began struggling for "Gay Liberation", as they so quaintly put it. In Europe and North America, homosexuals and lesbians who had been closeted in double-lives have stepped boldly out into the open, following a number of legislatory changes which freed them from the heavy hands oj the law. In 1967. Britain decriminalised homosexuality, and since then both the. British and the American Medical Associations have removed it from their
lists of abnormalities.
Sweden was the most recent country to drop it from its list:of diseases, and in October last year a spokesman for the Swedish National Board of Health and Welfare, according to a Reuters report, instructed doctors that they no longer had to report In North America, the growing homosexual community and haven of San Francisco in California scared the daylights out of its "straight" community when thousands of them rioted before the City Hall following a mere manslaughter sentence which was returned for a man who killed two prominent homosexuals in the city. In September of last year. California created history when Governor Jerry Brown
appointed the first openly homosexual judge and in Britain, Jerry Thorpe, former leader of the Liberal Party, was a known homosexual who was once voted Britain's most popular politician.
jumped' on the bandwaggon and began struggling for "Gay Liberation", as they so quaintly put it. In Europe and North America, homosexuals and lesbians who had been closeted in double-lives have stepped boldly out into the open, following a number of legislatory changes which freed them from the heavy hands oj the law. In 1967. Britain decriminalised homosexuality, and since then both the. British and the American Medical Associations have removed it from their
lists of abnormalities.
Sweden was the most recent country to drop it from its list:of diseases, and in October last year a spokesman for the Swedish National Board of Health and Welfare, according to a Reuters report, instructed doctors that they no longer had to report In North America, the growing homosexual community and haven of San Francisco in California scared the daylights out of its "straight" community when thousands of them rioted before the City Hall following a mere manslaughter sentence which was returned for a man who killed two prominent homosexuals in the city. In September of last year. California created history when Governor Jerry Brown
appointed the first openly homosexual judge and in Britain, Jerry Thorpe, former leader of the Liberal Party, was a known homosexual who was once voted Britain's most popular politician.
LOCAL GROUP
Locally, two years -ago, a short-lived public debate was sparked off in the press following the launching of a Gay Freedom Movement (G.F.M.) which a very vocal group of homosexual activists launched to raise what they called 'gay consciousness and awareness' and to protest anti-'gay' oppression, among other things. . It was the first time, in the history of this country, that homosexuals had dared to be so bold, and their talk of "gay pride and their rationalisation of gay liberation as human liberation have been seen as the heights of temerity by a society which has traditionally been very intolerant of homosexuality.
Everybody has always known that it exists in our midst, and the subject has been the basis of many juicy bits of gossip on St. Andrew verandahs where it is whispered around as to who is the latest addition to the list of "funny" or "queer" men.
Prominent members of the society, especially those in the cultural and artistic life of the country, are whispered about behind by their backs, and the less well-known and visible , homosexuals are often pounced upon on the streets and physically beaten, and or verbally ridiculed.
G.F.M. General Secretary, Larry Chang, cannot give a realistic estimate of the homosexual community in the island but he feels that if all homosexuals were to suddenly turn green, "we would have a lot of very green people walking around". According to him, one just never knows
who are homosexuals because they cannot be picked out by just looking at them. "There are a few people who are obviously 'gay' because of their effeminacy or' their masculinity, but this is a very small minority." he said, adding that most homosexuals walk around undetected and pass for 'straight'. He claims, however, that the society would be "shocked to death" to know who and .who in this country are homosexuals, .
MEDICAL VIEW
Mr. Chang, who maintains that the socalled prejudices and -bigotry of the 'straight' community are re-inforced by myths and a fundamentalist interpretation of the Bible, claims that homosexuals are not sick. According to him', they are as healthy and as normal as everybody else, with the only difference being their sexual taste.
Jamaica Psychological Association (J.P.A.) chairman. Dr. Ruth Dobar, supports this view that homosexuality is not a sickness, and she says that everything that pertains to heterosexuals —* with the exception of choice of partners — goes for
homosexuals.
The J.P.A., which is an alliance of local psychologists and psychiatrists, recently hosted a public discussion at the Priory High School on "Homosexuality in Jamaica", and this has been described as the first, open discussion on the subject. Dr. Dobar sees it as another style of behaviour, another style of life, but even this view is not shared throughout the medical profession. She admits that many medical practitioners still see homosexuality as an abnormality, but that an increasing number of her colleagues consider homosexuals "normal people who happen to
choose partners of their own sex", adding that it is a matter of choices. Psychiatrists do not usually treat homosexuality as a disease, but where a patient is worried about being homosexual, he or she is treated for neurotic symptoms.
Mr. Chang, who maintains that the socalled prejudices and -bigotry of the 'straight' community are re-inforced by myths and a fundamentalist interpretation of the Bible, claims that homosexuals are not sick. According to him', they are as healthy and as normal as everybody else, with the only difference being their sexual taste.
Jamaica Psychological Association (J.P.A.) chairman. Dr. Ruth Dobar, supports this view that homosexuality is not a sickness, and she says that everything that pertains to heterosexuals —* with the exception of choice of partners — goes for
homosexuals.
The J.P.A., which is an alliance of local psychologists and psychiatrists, recently hosted a public discussion at the Priory High School on "Homosexuality in Jamaica", and this has been described as the first, open discussion on the subject. Dr. Dobar sees it as another style of behaviour, another style of life, but even this view is not shared throughout the medical profession. She admits that many medical practitioners still see homosexuality as an abnormality, but that an increasing number of her colleagues consider homosexuals "normal people who happen to
choose partners of their own sex", adding that it is a matter of choices. Psychiatrists do not usually treat homosexuality as a disease, but where a patient is worried about being homosexual, he or she is treated for neurotic symptoms.
In many cases, Dr. Dobar says, it is culture and the heavy prejudices that causes the problems for the patients, because it makes them uncomfortable about what they are.
CHURCH'S VIEW
The Church's traditional view of homosexuality,'on the other hand, is that it is sinful and. it is wrong. The Church of England, which guides some 64 million Anglicans around theworld, has traditionally taken a'hard line with homosexuals, but in October it published a controversial report on the subject which recommended that the Church should recognise that it can be justifiable for individuals to "enter into a homosexual relationship involving the physical expressionof free love". -;
The report, which was published with a statement from the Church Board for Social Responsibility saying that it had neither adopted nor endorsed the findings and also recommended that the homosexual age of consent in Britain should be reduced from 21 to 18 years; that Bishopsshould not refuse to ordain a man because he is homosexual; and that the decision to accept or reject the resignation of a homosexual priest living openly with another
man would remain solely with the Bishop. The Anglican Church is to debate the homosexuality issue at its general synod in February 1981. With -reference to the local situation,
Jamaica Council of Churches' president Archbishop Samuel Carter said that as recently re-affirmed by Pope John Paul, the traditional stand of the Roman Catholic Church is that homosexuality is sinful and wrong, he said., however, that people with this tendency should be treated with sympathy arid understanding and help offered to them wherever it is needed.
Asked to comment on the new openness of the island's homosexual community, Archbishop Carter said thai this is part of the influence; of the "outer society", especially from the United States, adding that 'anything that happens outside is bound to influence us. "We maintain the stand that it is a sin but we sympathise with people who have this tendency," he said.
The Church's traditional view of homosexuality,'on the other hand, is that it is sinful and. it is wrong. The Church of England, which guides some 64 million Anglicans around theworld, has traditionally taken a'hard line with homosexuals, but in October it published a controversial report on the subject which recommended that the Church should recognise that it can be justifiable for individuals to "enter into a homosexual relationship involving the physical expressionof free love". -;
The report, which was published with a statement from the Church Board for Social Responsibility saying that it had neither adopted nor endorsed the findings and also recommended that the homosexual age of consent in Britain should be reduced from 21 to 18 years; that Bishopsshould not refuse to ordain a man because he is homosexual; and that the decision to accept or reject the resignation of a homosexual priest living openly with another
man would remain solely with the Bishop. The Anglican Church is to debate the homosexuality issue at its general synod in February 1981. With -reference to the local situation,
Jamaica Council of Churches' president Archbishop Samuel Carter said that as recently re-affirmed by Pope John Paul, the traditional stand of the Roman Catholic Church is that homosexuality is sinful and wrong, he said., however, that people with this tendency should be treated with sympathy arid understanding and help offered to them wherever it is needed.
Asked to comment on the new openness of the island's homosexual community, Archbishop Carter said thai this is part of the influence; of the "outer society", especially from the United States, adding that 'anything that happens outside is bound to influence us. "We maintain the stand that it is a sin but we sympathise with people who have this tendency," he said.
HUMAN RIGHTS
The. Gay Freedom Movement was launched in August 1977, and Mr. Larry Chang describes it not as an organisation in the strict sense of; the term, but as a movement of people who have began to. mobilise to demand "their basic human rights to be able to choose "our sexual partners". This choice is no business of the State Or the Church or anybody else, in his opinion,
and if is time that people begin to change their attitudes and prejudices which he claims are based on mis-conceptions about what homosexuality really is The G.F.M. General'Secretary makes a distinction (between homosexuals and 'gays'. According to him. a large number of Jamaicans! are homosexuals but a small minority are gay. 'Gays', for him, are those homosexuals who accept their homosexuality and live their lives accordingly and he points out that they are many homosexuals who do not identify as being 'gay. Mr. Chang said that one of the main aims of the G.F.M. is to educate homosexuals about their 'gayness' and bring them some amount of self-awareness so that "they will come-to accept their homosexuality as a natural, normal and healthything."
Such an acceptance and the promotion of 'gay pride', he feels, will remove a lot of the existing psychological pressure and conflicts that members of the homosexual community have to live with. Describing the current life-style of the homosexual community, he said that it is one of deception, cover-up and the added pressure of leading a double life since themajority of 'gay' people have to hide from their families, co-workprs and friends.
Men for whom women have never held any sexual allure equate their struggles for 'gay' liberation with the struggle of the women's movement on the ground that 'gays' and women suffer from male-dominated oppression, in a macho-syndrome that keeps down women and 'gays'.
CLINICAL TERM
Mr. Chang claims that 'gay' men, are a threat to the majority of the heterosexual male's idea'of what a man should be and how he should behave, and as a result 'straight' men tend to react irrationally and violently to'them. . .The G.F.M. spokesman said that the movement uses the term 'gay' because homosexual' is a very clinical term that smacks of psychiatry, psychology and science, and "is just too clinical to use in everyday parlance". !
Labels such as faggots, pansy. . fairy, fruit used by the 'straight' establishment in reference to them are all derogatory. In order to build up "our own self-image"and develop a sense of pride, 'gay' became their name. The movement which has instituted a Prison Out-reach Programme, and a Gay Youth Movement, runs a Gay Community Health Clinic for the prevention and treat ment of veneral disease, and also publishes a bi-monthly news-letter called the Jamaica Gaily News, - " :
i There are also a number of 'gay' clubs in the island, and Mr. Chang stated that homosexual clubs have been around for as long as living memory goes back. Claiming that the existence of the/clubs have nothing to do with the emergence of the movement, he said the 'gay' clubs have
always been the focus of 'gay' activities, apart from private homes and small groups here and there.
Up to a year ago, there were three 'gay' clubs in Kingston, one in Spanish Town and a semi 'gay' one in'Montego Bay. Mr. Chang also said that there, are a number of other places in Kingston that 'straight' people go to, which are homosexual pickup places, but they do not know what is going oh around them. However, he declined to name these on the ground that "they do not want to blow their .cover and spoil a good thing".
Mr. Chang claims that 'gay' men, are a threat to the majority of the heterosexual male's idea'of what a man should be and how he should behave, and as a result 'straight' men tend to react irrationally and violently to'them. . .The G.F.M. spokesman said that the movement uses the term 'gay' because homosexual' is a very clinical term that smacks of psychiatry, psychology and science, and "is just too clinical to use in everyday parlance". !
Labels such as faggots, pansy. . fairy, fruit used by the 'straight' establishment in reference to them are all derogatory. In order to build up "our own self-image"and develop a sense of pride, 'gay' became their name. The movement which has instituted a Prison Out-reach Programme, and a Gay Youth Movement, runs a Gay Community Health Clinic for the prevention and treat ment of veneral disease, and also publishes a bi-monthly news-letter called the Jamaica Gaily News, - " :
i There are also a number of 'gay' clubs in the island, and Mr. Chang stated that homosexual clubs have been around for as long as living memory goes back. Claiming that the existence of the/clubs have nothing to do with the emergence of the movement, he said the 'gay' clubs have
always been the focus of 'gay' activities, apart from private homes and small groups here and there.
Up to a year ago, there were three 'gay' clubs in Kingston, one in Spanish Town and a semi 'gay' one in'Montego Bay. Mr. Chang also said that there, are a number of other places in Kingston that 'straight' people go to, which are homosexual pickup places, but they do not know what is going oh around them. However, he declined to name these on the ground that "they do not want to blow their .cover and spoil a good thing".
Monday, October 18, 2010
He wants to go back there. Is he gay? (Observer)
While some women are agreeing to anal sex, others are not only uncomfortable with the act, but feel that their relationship is on the rocks as they wonder if their men either have the tendency to be gay or are bisexuals.
Ann-Marie told All Woman of her personal experience after six years of marriage in which she suspected that her husband was bisexual. This, after he started forcing her into anal sex, even when she refused.
"Every time he wanted to have sex, it would be around there. He didn't seem to get any pleasure out of vaginal sex anymore and even if I told him I didn't want to because it was painful, it never seemed to matter," Ann-Marie said. In fact, to help her cope with the pain, she said her husband would use vaseline to lubricate the area
.
"I started really hating sex and hating him because of it," she said. "He seemed obsessed with anal sex. I saw him with some DVDs and all of them — about eight — all had pictures of naked women with their rears being the main focus. It was an obsession for him."
But to compound the situation, Ann-Marie said her husband refused to take her out alone, and when they did go out, there was always a third party tagging along — a male.
"I started really hating sex and hating him because of it," she said. "He seemed obsessed with anal sex. I saw him with some DVDs and all of them — about eight — all had pictures of naked women with their rears being the main focus. It was an obsession for him."
But to compound the situation, Ann-Marie said her husband refused to take her out alone, and when they did go out, there was always a third party tagging along — a male.
"If we decided to go somewhere, he would stop somewhere and pick up a guy in the community or call someone and tell them he was going X place and ask if he wanted to come. These were normally very young boys and so I could not help but wonder if he was gay."
Numerous conversations with her husband she said, resulted in just as many denials. Three years ago, they separated. To date Ann-Marie said she is convinced her husband is gay. Especially, she said, after discovering over a year ago that he was sharing home with another man in Stony Hill.
"The boundaries between vagina and anus are collapsing fast," sex therapist Sidney McGill said. "I think performing anal sex has to do with moving out of the conventional way of having sex. Couples try to do something different," he said.
However, this is not always the case.
"There are men who have been with men who are not gay," McGill explained. "The thing is not as clear cut as it might sound, because the definition of homosexuality has to do with persistent homosexual ideation. So if the person is not having persistent thought for, or persistent feelings for, or a desire for men, then he is not homosexual."
He explained, too, that there were heterosexual men who have blurred the boundaries between male and female.
"They are heterosexuals, they are having sex with women but they like to try something different every now and then and they have their buddies that they will have sex with. So it's not a bindary thing anymore where it's either you are gay or you are not."
Thirty four year old communications consultant Harold W confessed that anal sex was like breathing to him before he got married nine years ago, yet never once had he thought about being with a man.
"I don't agree that if you have anal sex with a woman you are gay or have homosexual tendencies," he said. "I used to have anal sex with women and I would never go with a man. It's just like kissing. I would kiss my wife but I would never kiss a man. It's the same way I would have anal sex with her but would never touch a man. That's the reality of the situation. It's just a part of my being freaky."
Dr McGill agreed that for some men, anal sex is just another pleasurable act that in no way means the men are gay.
"I don't know if I would want to use the word 'freaky' though. I would say it's trying something new — trying something different," he said. "I know of men who enjoy having anal sex with their wives who are no way gay at all! And I am talking about professionals — medical doctors, lawyers, and people like those," he said.
However, he said there is no surefire way to tell if the man having anal sex with his female partner is among those who sees a thin line between having sex with a man and having sex with a woman.
"There are some men who don't make such a sharp distinction when it comes to who they have sex with. And if they have very good buddies they can masturbate together and they don't see anything wrong with that. And then there are others who would love to try anal sex with their female partners, [but are afraid to because of the stigma]," he said.
"He is afraid he might start questioning his own sexual orientation," McGill said. "This will be even more devastating for him if he does it and likes it."
All in good fun
In many cases, McGill said, couples desire to experiment with new things that they have never tried before like oral sex. If they enjoy this they may move on to bondage sex, dress up sex, drinking alcohol, etc, creative things that might get them both excited.
"He might not even think that he is going to have anal sex with her tonight," Dr McGill said. "They might just be having sex and having such a good time that he starts to go there and she probably will allow him."
Dr McGill says it is as a result of the varied reasons why men will perform anal sex why the label 'bisexual' should be dropped.
"I think we should stop using that word about being bisexual — it's a political word — and I don't think it captures gay, heterosexual or bisexual, because not everyone fits into any of these neat boxes," he said.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Making a Coming Out Plan ..........
Making a Coming Out Plan
When you’re ready to tell that first person — or even those first few people — give yourself time to prepare. Think through your options and make a deliberate plan of who to approach, when and how. You may want to ask yourself the following questions:What kind of signals are you getting?
■ You can get a sense of how accepting people will be by the things they say — or don’t say — when GLBT-related issues come up. Try to bring them up yourself by talking about a GLBTthemed movie, TV character or news event. If a person’s reactions are positive, chances are he or she will be more accepting of what you have to tell them.
Are you well informed about GLBT issues?
■ The reactions of others will most likely be based on a lifetime of misinformation, and in some cases even negative portrayals of GLBT people. If you’ve done some reading on the subject, you’ll be prepared to answer their concerns and questions with reliable and accurate information.
Do you know what it is you want to say?
■ Particularly at the beginning of the coming out process, many people are still answering tough questions for themselves and are not ready to identify as being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. That’s okay. Maybe you just want to tell someone that you’re attracted to someone of the same sex, or that you feel uncomfortable with the expectations of cultural gender norms. Maybe you just want to tell someone about a new same-sex attraction, or that you’re feeling that your true gender does not align with cultural “gender norms.”
Labels aren’t important; your feelings are. Also, you may want to try writing out what you want to say, to help organize and express your thoughts clearly.
Do you have support?
■ You don’t have to do this alone. A support system is an invaluable place to turn to for reassurance. Sources of support can be other GLBT people who are living openly, GLBT hotlines, a supportive member of the clergy or friend, if you are coming out for the second or third time, perhaps the first person you opened up to initially. A supportive mental health professional often helps people become more comfortable. In fact, these are the first people some of us come out to.
Is this a good time?
■ Timing can be very important. Be aware of the mood, priorities, stresses and problems of those to whom you would like to come out. Be aware that if they’re dealing with their own major life concerns, they may not be able to respond constructively to yours.
Can you be patient?
■ Some people will need time to deal with this new information, just as it took time for many of us to come to terms with being GLBT. When you come out to others, be prepared to give them the time they need to adjust to what you’ve said. Rather than expect immediate understanding, try to establish an ongoing, caring dialogue.
■ Remember, the whole reason you chose to be open with the person is that you care about them. If they react strongly, it’s likely because they care about you as well. Keep that in mind as you navigate trying times.
Telling Family Members
No matter what their age, many people are afraid their parents will reject them if they come out. The good news is that you’re probably wrong. However, if you are under age 18 or financially dependent on your parents, consider this very, very carefully.
Some reactions you may want to prepare for:
■ Some parents may react in ways that hurt. They may cry, get angry or feel embarrassed.
■ Some parents will feel honored and appreciate that you have entrusted them with an important piece of truth about yourself.
■ Some parents will need to grieve the dreams they had for you, before they see the new, more genuine life you are building for yourself.
■ They may ask where they “went wrong” or if they did something “to cause this.” Assure them that they did nothing wrong.
■ Some may call being GLBT a sin, or attempt to send their child to a counselor or therapist in the baseless hope that they can “change.”
■ Some parents will already know you’re gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender — or they might have an inkling. They may have been waiting for you to tell them, and find your doing so a relief.
■ It may take time for a parent to absorb or come to terms with the information. Good or bad, their initial reaction may not reflect their feelings over the long term.
Remember that your parents grew up in a time when some of the stereotypes about GLBT people were more prevalent than they are today. Remember, too, that they’re probably trying to keep you safe from something they do not understand. Finally, keep in mind this is big news, and there’s no timetable for how long it takes parents to adjust.
Parents need time too
Having the Conversations
Fostering strong, deep relationships with your friends and family begins with honesty. Living openly is important because it allows for closer relationships with the people you care about — and ultimately a happier life for you. For most people coming out or opening up to someone new starts with a conversation.
It’s normal to want or hope for positive reactions from the people you tell, including:
■ Acceptance
■ Support
■ Understanding
■ Comfort
■ Reassurance that your relationship won’t be
negatively affected
■ Confidence that your relationship will be closer
■ Acknowledgment of your feelings
■ Love
All or some of these positive reactions can result from your coming out conversation, but they may not happen immediately. Putting yourself in the other person’s shoes may also be helpful.
A person who has just had someone come out to them often feels:
■ Surprised
■ Honoured
■ Uncomfortable
■ Scared
■ Unsure how to react
■ Supportive
■ Disbelieving
■ Relieved
■ Curious
■ Angry
■ Anxious
■ Unsure what to do next
Give the person you’re telling the time they need. It may also be helpful to remember that the person you’re really doing this for is you. When you’re ready to tell someone, consider starting with the person most likely to be supportive. This might be a friend, relative or teacher. Maybe you will tell this person that you are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. Maybe you will simply say that you have questions about your sexual orientation or gender identity. Again, there is no right or wrong way to do this. You are the expert in knowing what’s best for yourself and what you are feeling. When you are ready, here are a couple of things to keep in mind:
■ Find a relaxed, private place to have the conversation, and allow adequate time.
■ People will usually take their cues from you in how to approach this — so be open and honest and say that it’s okay to ask questions.
Appropriate and gentle humour can go a long way to easing anxiety for both you and the person you are speaking with.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
October - LGBT History, Breast Cancer Month & Coming Out Day (Oct 11th)
Coming Out Day is an internationally-observed civil awareness day for coming out and discussion about gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual and transgender (LGBT) issues. It is observed by members of the LGBT communities and their supporters (often referred to as "allies") on October 11 every year, or October 12 in the United Kingdom.
Coming out / being "open"
NCOD founders Rob Eichberg, Ph.D. and Jean O'Leary encouraged all people, of all sexual orientations, to "take your next step" in living openly and powerfully on October 11th.
It is highly encouraged for participants on this day to wear gay pride symbols, such as the pink triangle (gay men), the black triangle (lesbians), the Greek letter lambda, and rainbows in jewelry and on clothing.
History
The day was founded by Dr. Robert Eichberg and Jean O'Leary in 1988,acting on behalf of their organizations, The Experience (www.ExperienceYourPower.com) and National Gay Rights Advocates,[citation needed] in celebration of the Second National March on Washington for
Lesbian and Gay Rights one year earlier, in which 500,000 people marched on Washington, DC, United States, for gay and lesbian equality. National Coming Out Day events are aimed at raising awareness of the LGBT community among the general populace in an effort to give a familiar face to the LGBT rights movement.Multi-national observance
In the United States, the Human Rights Campaign manages the event under the National Coming Out Project, offering resources to LGBT individuals, couples, parents and children, as well as straight friends and relatives, to promote awareness of LGBT families living honest and open lives. Candace Gingrich became the spokesperson for the day in April 1995.
Despite its name, National Coming Out Day (so called because it originated as an event in the United States) is in fact observed in many countries, including Switzerland, Germany, Canada, Croatia, Poland and the United Kingdom (in the UK it is celebrated on October 12). As of 2008, the Netherlands also has Coming Out Day on October 11.
For Jamaicans here on the rock that may not be so easy given the sensitivities involved and our active homophobia, one could maybe come out to close family members and friends and hope they keep it close to their chests.
If you feel you want to observe this day in your life please be cautious and review the information so expertly provided by my friend over at Gay Jamaicans United's Page
Also it is LGBT History Month for all of October more posts to come on that in the meantime see the LGBT History tab below this post or go HERE from GLBTQJA Wordpress
Out a Road: DJs who "hit out" hiding something? ......
I had the fortune of being in the presence of a heated discussion by a popular pharmacy in Half Way Tree earlier today where a group of persons had gathered prior to my arrival it seems discussing the trust factor in several local dancehall DJs in respect to their sexual preference. I am only sorry I never arrived sooner when it began to get the full gist of the arguments.
Stories like these over the years have helped I feel to have persons arrive at this new found "cautious tolerance" towards homosexuality in as far as quietly practicing gays are concerned or ordinary gays and lesbians, I got the feeling from this particular instance that what upset persons is the hypocrisy of it, the hide and lick or downlow dishonesty as a front to cover what really is happening behind the scenes.
Several big names were mentioned though and many questioned their sexual preference of course using the stereotypical ruler to measure or gage the possible answers. I wasn't able capture the points in any formal way or record it on my phone as my memory chip is full but from what I could remember here are some of the more important pointers.
Click here: Vybz Kartel in FAG shirt?
Of course the recent controversy with Vybz Kartel and the Tag/Fag t-shirt where it was said he was wearing a shirt at an event with "fag" written on it was debated, in the meantime here is an entry linked below on a popular dancehall blog regarding the said shirt:
His alleged bleaching techniques also came into question in the exchange with several of the women present defending him vigorously and saying he looked good with his even toned skin and exaggerated tattoos (my words).
The men as expected were not so accommodating at all and had harsh retribution for the dancehall star, some questioned what is he promoting as a black man lightening his skin?
Some of the males questioned if when the DJs who hit out publicly at homosexuality if they themselves have something to hide, of course the issue of oral sex or bow cats was married with that argument and the lone male who openly says he enjoys oral sex was vilified by the rest of the male participants with some females in support while others interestingly seemed intrigued.
Even that made me question if the women who hit out were doing so because they were in the minority and didn't want to have to defend their position on the issue, a kind of desire to conform thing.
It was with great interest I observed this exchange as I am always amazed by us Jamaicans even though we collectively "bun battyman" it is when one comes into the occasional discourse such as this you get to hear some of the real underlined opinions of some of those same so called homophobes.
Other DJs whose sexuality came into question surprisingly were Beenieman, Babycham, Wayne Wonder, Frankie Paul even Elephant Man and Tanya Stephens based on her strong or imposing persona and so called butchness. What is even more interesting is the knowledge base of the persons involved in terms of LGBT descriptions that were readily used that one would not normally hear in everyday conversations. "Butch" "Queer" "Dyke" and "Queen" (gay men) were used over and over again which set me straight in terms of not to underestimate the average citizen out there, they are indeed exposed far more than most of us in advocacy would like to believe.
Not to be outdone was the perceptions of downlow dons or area leaders, one woman said she was reliably informed of her area leader where she resides and was clearly upset that he was the first to punish anyone in his community who was deemed gay or proven so. Yet he known sexual relations with young girls in and around the community of which he presided according to the woman. The coinage "bad man battyman" which came from an old Beenieman song was used repeatedly to describe those who carry out a similar practice. Then other big names came up for mention there as well such as the known don who is now serving time for a murder he allegedly commit some years ago while the victim was performing oral sex on him which formed part of testimony during his trial.
Stories like these over the years have helped I feel to have persons arrive at this new found "cautious tolerance" towards homosexuality in as far as quietly practicing gays are concerned or ordinary gays and lesbians, I got the feeling from this particular instance that what upset persons is the hypocrisy of it, the hide and lick or downlow dishonesty as a front to cover what really is happening behind the scenes.
Buju Banton's woes were not left out of this heated and sometimes funny exchange not about his sexuality but about his authenticity as a Rastafarian with his involvement with cocaine and the underworld. There are those who still believe that he was set up by gays while others such as a taxi driver said he was disappointed that he got himself in that kind of dealings for a Rasta. Many said the Boom Bye Bye song is justified but he stopped singing it and was now singing clean lyrics. One woman went on to say he apologized but because he didn't go on to work with the gay community he is now being punished for it.
They concluded that he may have realized he was being watched as during the conversation about the warehouse he didn't see the yacht as he was to see when he accompanied the informant, so he slowly tried to back out of the deal but he was already recorded by the hidden cams. One thing was clear during the discourse is that most persons seem to conclude he is definitely involved drug dealings and may have been in such activities for some time.
Clearly this matter is in no way going to die down soon or persons minds are going to change from their strong beliefs but it is instances like this I like to use to test the temperature if only a small hint as to what's out on the road in the court of public opinion.
Peace and tolerance
H
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