Insensitive Parents and Displaced MSMs Part III

As you may have realized this has now become a series as we continue to look at adolescent men who have sex with men and the issues that attend to ostracism, stigma and hate leading to displacement or full on homelessness, all topics I feel strongly about. In part 1 of this set of issues posted on sister blog GLBTQ Jamaica way back in 2009 we looked at some cases and reports that came to light then and a flashback story that was disturbing where a father outed his son at a prominent high school only to watch other students beat him mercilessly fortunately he was rescued by some staff members present and a few well thinking students who literally used their bodies to block or absorb some of the blows.

Part 2 we continued to focus and juxtapose the similarities in other incidents that came to my attention at that time where a series of complaints and expressions have been forthcoming from mostly early male teens and a couple of same gender loving females as well with one case reaching a drastic point where a nineteen year old woman was forced to leave under the watchful eye of her stepfather, others have not gotten so bad in the ladies department but persons are uncomfortable in their family homes or places of shelter with other siblings. The age old problem of improper monitoring and securing of cellphones, personal computers/laptops and blackberries with saved passwords for social networking sites thus allowing third party access have also contributed to unwarranted outings and exposures with one male being prayed for in earnest by a weeping mother and the good book thrown at him while she insists his life is all wrong and he must accept God or burn in hell.

In Part III here comes a hastily put together rescue effort of sorts coordinated by a member of my Facebook group GLBTQ Jamaica Linkup on Sunday afternoon October 30th who brought some of his friends with him. The team now totaled five with a strong arm brother (the driver) who was visibly upset by the developments proceeded to take us to the home of a 17 year old gay male who was literally thrown out of his home after returning from a stay with his aunt in another parish where he had gone to conduct personal business. The young man was apparently on watch by his mother of all persons for some time who constantly questioned his activities in recent months according to the teen who we shall refer to for purposes of this post "Garry" 


Garry apparently based on the timeline presented to us by him had very little female friends who would visit him in his small district except for childhood acquaintances and as with other small areas or rural districts residents are close and known to each other, his mother he said occasionally criticized his lack of  having "girls" coming to check him and would hint at her need to have grandchildren and his future marriage. His father a working class tradesman was out of the home most of the time and never really interacted much on a deeper level due to his time working most hours thus his mother had more time to observe and critique his suspected sexual orientation while passing on her suspicions to his father as she was a part time stay at home mother who tendered to a back yard garden.


There have been discussions before Garry informed us but it never escalated to this all out brawl and anger from her, we however went to try to quell the scenario while having our phones set for to summon the police with other self protective mechanisms not fit for mention here, his mother kept saying his silence or avoiding the subject when it was brought up by her meant he was guilty and gay (a battyman) but fortunately for Garry while he was evicted there were only a few eyewitnesses to cause any serious harm, due to Garry's own masculine built and physique he was spared the physical threat that sometimes obtain in other cases such as this. He, while outside with clothes and items literally being tossed through a window had made contact with a third party with what phone minutes he had and was able to get some conversations going until Facebook friends organised a pickup, we pooled together what funds we could muster given the high gas prices these days and drove from Kingston through St. Catherine to the district just outside of St. Ann's Bay while planning how we would execute or mitigate any danger. His farther who had arrived just before our arrival was boisterous we were told when we got to the gate by a woman who was walking away from the scene, she seemed to have muttered something under her breath that she couldn't believe Garry was a battyman, however the houses are far apart from each other thus allowing some room for intervention without too much of an audience then. 


As we cautiously exited the pickup we could hear a female voice shouting as Garry hustled his scattered items on the outside in a large barrel bag, other items were packed in large black garbage bags as per instruction from the organizer of the intervention by phone on our way to the site and who was in no mood like myself and the others for interruptions in what we set out to do. His physical build was also an advantage for our presence added to Garry's thus mitigating any physical threat of violence to his person or any of us. We tried to introduce ourselves at the passage way whilst the family conversation took place but were greeted with a set of tersely worded comments by Garry's mother suggesting that we "his battyman fren dem" (his gay friends) were luring him into the nasty life, his father also was shouting but his words were inaudible as he was behind a closed sliding glass window when we managed to see him upon entering. After several exchanges with the two other persons in this rescue party of sorts we managed to create a diversion while we packed the items hastily in the back of the pickup, by now more persons were prying at the road and the by the fence some eight or nine feet away from the home's entrance.  In the end after some exchange and getting the items we could carry already strunned on the lawn or allowed to take out of his room such as the larger stuff, the strong arm man of the team barreled his way in and managed to get the laptop and a PC with other items that Garry wanted to have with him but was ordered not to take and the remaining clothes/shoes in a combi robe of course not without some physical attempts to block the move by his father but he relented and allowed them to be taken out while remaining boisterous and suggesting we were making his son gay and that one of us or all of us were "fucking him."


Thankfully the situation did not spiral into something worse after just over a one hour's ordeal but Garry was clearly heartbroken in leaving his home by force by his own parents and understandably so, he said very little on our way back to Kingston Sunday night and refused offers of food when we stopped at a popular gas station to pick up snacks. Garry is now in Kingston as we contemplate his next moves and the relevant reports to be made. Thanks to the concerned persons who decided to get involved in this matter and I was pleased to have been introduced to the strong armed brother, his resolve in this issue was a major inspiration. Garry still wants to try and reconnect with his parents and to start some dialogue meanwhile a counselor has been suggested by another person who I was introduced to via my Facebook contact. Indeed this kind of networking was great as we became new friends out of an ugly situation, contrary to popular belief that I know everyone who is gay in Jamaica here is proof that it cannot be true. There are always new faces and brothers to meet (wide smile) where we can network not just for sex but for the greater good of the community.

Summary published with permission from Garry


Peace and tolerance


H

Parents' Month under the theme 'Parents: Today you guide. Tomorrow they lead' .... as for Gay/Bisexual parents?

Minister of State for Education and Youth, Senator Noel Monteith, receives a Parenting Training Manual from Janet Brown, Treasurer and Consultant with Parenting Partners, at the official launch of November as Parents' Month at the Ministry in Kingston.

The Ministry of Education and Youth in partnership with the Coalition for Better Parenting for Children on (Nov. 1) launched Parents' Month under the theme 'Parents: Today you guide. Tomorrow they lead', at the Ministry's Heroes' Circle offices.

Addressing the launch, State Minister in the Ministry, with responsibility for Youth, Senator Noel Monteith, said the concept of a month to celebrate the achievements of parents and guardians in Jamaica was commendable.

"Our parents play a vital role as they guide and nurture the future leaders of this country. All sectors of society should respect and support parents and other guardians in their efforts to nurture and care for children in the home environment," Senator Monteith said.

He added that "this clearly illustrates the importance of our parents and guardians in shaping the minds of children into responsible and respectful citizens. It's also a call on other sectors of the society to assist the family in their challenges, as everyone is a part of a family unit and we are indeed our brother's keeper".

Senator Monteith said he believed that the family today was in a state of crisis. "The upsurge in violent crimes, the shift in values and morals, the rise in divorce and separation and the increase in the abuse of children are all indicators of this," he noted.

READ THE REST HERE

So as we continue to be sidelined due to fear and hate from the mostly christian right and hetero normative focused groups the realities seem to escape them as the obvious is growing in the background in a sense. I bet the training manual as is being presented in the photo above mentions nothing of same sex parenting, typical, and we all remembered what happened some time ago when a popular home and families school text written by Caribbean authors which has been used for over 10 years here nearly got pulled when hysteria was created due to one line that mentioned same sex families as another type of family unit.

Gleaner story: EXCERPT

Same-sex lessons - Ministry-recommended textbook lists homosexual unions as family option

"Tyrone Reid, Enterprise Reporter

Several secondary school teachers are caught in a bind trying to explain homosexual unions as a viable family option as presented in a Ministry of Education-recommended textbook.

The controversial clause in the book entitled, C-SEC Home Economics and Beyon

d (Management) by Rita Dyer and Norma Maynard, reads: "When two women or two men live together in a relationship as lesbians or gays, they may be considered as a family. They may adopt children or have them through artificial insemination."

CONTINUE HERE TO THE ARTICLE

I am sure that Mr. Monteith's reference to the family being in crisis as stated above and the shift in morals also includes the notion that gays are changing things or somehow poisoning or affecting the family by going into same sex unions or asking for marriage as was embellished during the Sexual Offences Bill Debate.

Lets not also forget the similar stink that was created when performing arts group Ashe launched their Parenting Vibes book in 2003 where a similar uproar though short lived occurred as it also spoke to same sex couples as a family unit.

What are we afraid of?

The book was withdrawn after sections of the society, including the Roman Catholic Church, objected to some of the content in the facilitator's manual.But in its determined effort to use the performing arts to convey the message of better parenting,

ASHE did not only revise sections of the book, but created an improved and fun-filled medium in the 'Parenting Vibes' drama to effectively and easily communicate its message

Gay Parenting (a view on the ground)

As I hinted the post as captioned above many adults today in the LGBTQ communities had children from previous heterosexual unions or common law relationships but chose to continue or explore their same sex lives instead as either single parents or raising them with another same sex partner with some extraordinary results from just basic observation.

here is an excerpt

Visible outcomes
"One particular male who has three adopted boys did so out of the need for them to have a father figure as they were the product of two HIV+ parents who subsequently passed away. He is very strict with them and doesn't allow them to stray an inch, his gay lifestyle does not seem to impede his ability to father them and he has taught them that there are many types of people in the world. The boys age from the eldest 14, 12 and 10. All are attending school and are doing fairly well. They are aware of their parents' fate and are counselled by professionals who keep a close watch on them. I guess with these support systems in place it would be easier to manage these children especially in our homophobic setting where even kids often emulate what the adults do to other children who behave differently than what is expected.

I am aware of a lesbian couple who entered into a relationship some time ago with both of them having children from previous hetero unions, the kids have since been raised to be tolerant and are compatible with each other, they are told by their moms exactly what is happening and of their parents' orientation, the boy and girl ages 11 and 8 seem not to be perturbed by the arrangements and are doing well in school and socially as well. The father of the boy is active in his life and although he is upset with the mother (according to her) he speaks to both women when he visits the home to see his son making sure not to show any descent in front of them as responsible adults should behave.

There is a male couple who have been together for a while, one of the men has a son from a previous marriage but the union ended in divorce, The mother decided to share custody of the child although she was aware of her ex husband's new lifestyle and living arrangements. He has been visiting his son at her home where she now has a new spouse and the child also comes to his home as well. The growing boy, as most children do, has been asking alot of questions and both parents deliberated on how to handle the information so he would understand and the timing of it as well with confidentiality. To their surprise after they painstakingly discussed the issues with him he said openly to them that he loves them no matter what. This from an eleven year old. Kids are not fools, never undersestimate children." (ENDS)

It was only recently I heard my neighbour spanking her 9+ year old son and telling him to stop acting like a girl, I couldn't believe what I was hearing, obviously some folks just hatch kids like chickens and don't know the first clue to raising them especially a dynamic male who is clearly gifted but happens to be effeminate which does not suggest he is gay or be effeminate in adulthood.

The lack of proper social interventions over the years as well from our main advocates is frightening, nothing on record to speak to LGBT family structure, training seminars or at best a press release (the factory) as they are nicknamed JFLAG has surely missed the boat as far as those are concerned yet social interventions is listed as a major activity on their brochure. They are and have been silent on these other monthly observances and issues for nearly all their existence.

Bisexuality month for e.g. was in September yet nothing, LGBT History Month was in October and nothing either, great to see the public agitations but after 13 years around we need better representation than that, the agitations seem to be nothing more than just a PR campaign to reposition themselves in the eyes of an ever more cynical and distrusting Jamaican GLBTQI community after all when they look elsewhere they see groups and people getting the business of advocacy going with results.

There are more and more persons with children who are pursuing same sex relationships, they need to recognize that or is it due to the makeup of the organization as mostly single gay men are there that causes this seeming insensitivity towards this subject of raising children and by extension lesbian issues as well?

Follow the other entries on Gay Parenting from this blog HERE

Or related entries from GLBTQ Jamaica HERE

Peace and tolerance

H

A challenge to gay parenting: Children should be reared by both sexes (Observer Letter)

Dear Editor,

There are some things that, as a Christian, I find most revolting to my sensibilities. And yet I must tolerate their existence, for they exist only because God has made it possible. I also am only too painfully aware that it is within this same realm that I am who I am. This realm is the freedom of choice - a God-given right. I demand my right, who am I to deny someone else his right?

A proper constitution is predicated on these rights and freedoms. It seeks to create a framework within which we can exist as a community where we enjoy equal rights and freedoms. Laws should protect the fundamental rights of an individual to act within his God-given freedom of choice, while limiting such actions as would infringe on another person's rights. This is a function of government, not of the church, yet the church operates on much higher principles, which would often mean that it would not extend its activities to the limit of the laws of the land. Its jurisdiction extends only so far as persons choose to accept its teaching. This is as God would have it. The church's primary function is to preach the gospel for a witness. It informs the world of God's ideals and persuades people to accept. It does not seek to achieve its goals through legislation.

Unless an action can be proved to have an undesirable effect on another uninvolved individual, it should remain within the purview of the actor to decide. If knowledge of the activity comes to light, then the church may reserve the right to take what it deems as appropriate action to censure the activity, as it may be contrary to a vow the individual may have made. If the individual finds nothing wrong then he may persuade the church to change its position. If the church will not change, then the individual needs to move along and find a church that supports the activity, or start one's own congregation.

My reading of the Bible makes the practice of homosexuality wrong. It in no way supports same-sex marriage. The biblical definition of marriage is the legal union of a man and woman. Secular definitions are not required of opposite sexes for a marriage to occur. In fact, marriage has been used to describe many non-human unions. During the 1970s in Jamaica there was a high incidence of goods being married, due to severe shortages of major staple goods.

It is common knowledge that words and their definitions are like formulae that can be applied to a vast array of situations with the principle remaining the same. Of course, for each situation the implications are not necessarily the same. And while I would not lose my sleep if the word marriage is used to describe the union of two persons of the same sex, I'm concerned about the issue of children and the implications of not enjoying the benefit of being trained by both sexes. And except in the case of death, should having access to both sexes be a right of children?

Charles Evans
charock01@yahoo.com

The Fallacy of the Church Push Against Gay Adoption

Contributed by the Gay News from Gay Agenda

In Australia, the New South Wales parliament has a bill before it which would legalise gay adoption. The churches are outraged, and pushing hard against the measure, or asking for special treatment. One Australian church agency is asking for exemption from the non-discrimination clause. Anglicare argues that adoption should not be about politics and the “rights” of gay couples, but about the best interests of the child.

In Mexico, the Supreme Court this week followed last’s week’s decision on gay marriage in Mexico City with a ruling that marriage equality included family equality – gay adoption is included (and also national recognition for marriages contracted in the capital).

The Catholic Church is outraged – the country’s second most senior cardinal declared that the ruling was only because the Supreme court judges had been bribed by the mayor of Mexico City.

In the US, GOP candidates for the governorships of Nevada and Georgia are proposing to follow Florida and outlaw gay adoption. In the UK, where the issue is supposedly settled in law, the church is continuing to fight a rearguard action to have its own agencies exempted. What do all these have in common? A total absence of evidence.

In California’s extended trial over gay marriage, the opponents argued that gay marriage was injurious to children, because kids need “one mom and one dad” – but their own supposed expert witness conceded there was no evidence to support his case. But the “expert” was entirely lacking in academic credentials, and the judge ruled that his evidence was no more than opinion.

In Florida, Bill McCollum then the AG, hired “expert witness” George Rekers at vast expense to argue the case in court. He too is entirely lacking in credentials, and has since become a laughing-stock for his travels with a hired male prostitute. (I am pleased to note that ever sine the Rekers story broke, McCollum’s candidacy for state governor has been going rapidly down the toilet.)

In Georgia, when Karen Handel was asked by an Atlanta TV reporter why she thought gay parents aren’t legitimate, she replied, “Because I don’t.”

In the UK last year, bishops reacted angrily when Terry Prendergast, a child care professional with strong links to the church, stated that there was no evidence that children are harmed by having same sex parents.>

Now, here’s the thing. I absolutely agree with Anglicare that adoption decisions should be based entirely on the best interests of children, placing them with the best parents available. They should not be based on the supposed rights of gay couples – but nor should they be based on religious dogma. Don’t they get it? Sometimes, the best available parents are gay. Abundant scientific research has shown that.

In the California trial, Judge Walker carefully considered a mass of scientific evidence, and found that same sex couples are at least as capable as any others of making good parents as any other – and in some cases, are even better. (Even in the animal world, research has shown in some species, same -sex couples make better parents.)

That’s at the global level, for couples in general – but in ability as parents, not all couples are equal. Some opposite sex parents are dramatically less able than the ideal, which is why some kids come into care in the first place. Some gay couples are better than others. Nobody is asking that all gay couples be given a “right” to adopt, any more than straight couples have such a right.

All we ask is that we be considered along with other couples, so that children may be placed with the best parents available. Ordinary Catholics understand this, even if the bishops don’t – research shows that most Catholics support gay adoption. Gay adoption – it’s in the best interests of the child.