The Creaking Hinges Of Closets And Cabinets

by Glenda Simms

It is rather surprising that the opinion makers and policy analysts in the Jamaican society appear to have been taken off-guard by the strong, threatening and direct statement made to the members of the Commonwealth exclusive club by the prime minister of Great Britain. He has unequivocally told all the world that aid from his country's coffers will be withdrawn from countries which have not removed buggery and other discriminatory laws that violate the human rights of homosexuals from their books.

Since 2010, the government of Britain, in preparation for the 2011 meeting in Perth, Australia, has put much effort into ensuring that the British Overseas Territories prepare themselves for the extension of all human rights treaties that have been ratified by the mother country. To this end, the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women has been given top priority.

This new-found energy to ensure that all Commonwealth citizens realise their full potential in societies that respect the rule of law, democracy and dignity in a framework of full human rights was a major plank of The Eminent Persons Group which examined all the issues of human rights in the Commonwealth and proposed a Charter of Commonwealth Values in the name of all the Commonwealth people so that every one of the 54 countries in this post-colonial club take the persistent infringements of human rights in their territories more seriously.

In Canada, the Stephen Harper Conservative government had the full support of its members and the opposition parties to press for gay rights at the Perth meeting.
Similar proactive approaches were discussed in all the 'old Commonwealth countries'. No doubt, the planned agenda items and emphasis were transmitted to all 54 governments of the Commonwealth. Jamaica, therefore, must have been well aware of the seriousness of the human-rights implications of the Perth conference.

The issues raised in an opinion piece published by Michael Kirby on October 25 are very relevant to the outcomes of the Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting that was recently held in Perth.
In his capacity as a member of the Eminent Persons Group that led the discussions on the future of the Commonwealth, Kirby has an informed perspective not only on the issues that would be discussed in Perth but also on the stance that would be taken by Britain, Canada, Australia, New Zealand and South Africa.

In his article, 'Commonwealth must ensure gays are not equated with criminals', Kirby argued that the whole world knows that the British Commonwealth of nations is divided on the legal issues of sexual orientation. He further pointed out that this problem is a specific Commonwealth problem, because more than half of the 80 countries which still criminalise same-sex relationships between consenting adults are members of the Commonwealth.

He also argues that in 2010, there were many reported cases of physical and verbal violence against gays in the so-called "new Commonwealth". Jamaica is one of the countries that fall in this category of newness.

colonial criminalisation

The interesting point that Kirby makes is that the criminalisation of gays and their lifestyle is unique to the British colonial project. He argues that other colonisers such as the French, Portuguese, Spanish, Dutch and Belgian empires did not have laws that criminalise homosexuality, therefore, this problem does not exist in the colonies that these nations spawned across the world.

In short, the issue of laws that criminalise homosexuals' private lifestyle is a uniquely British Commonwealth dilemma. By the same token, Kirby argues that "just as sexuality is a special Commonwealth problem, so is HIV/AIDS, which is twice as prevalent in Commonwealth countries as elsewhere in the world".

This issue was reflected in resolutions adopted by the United Nations General Assembly on June 10. In this Political Declaration on HIV/AIDS: Intensifying our Efforts to Eliminate HIV/AIDS, the following relevant important points were made by the General Assembly in its desire to guide the governments of the world.

Recognise that HIV/AIDS constitutes a global emergency, poses some of the most formidable challenges to development progress, and stability of our respective societies and the world at large, and requires an exceptional and comprehensive global response that takes into account that the spread of HIV is often a consequence and cause of poverty.

Express deep concern that HIV/AIDS affects every region of the world and that the Caribbean continues to have the highest prevalence outside sub-Saharan Africa.
Note that many national HIV-prevention strategies inadequately focus on populations the epidemiological evidence shows are at higher risk, specifically men who have sex with men ... .

Against this background, the Commonwealth nations of the Caribbean should recognise that stigma and discrimination based on the criminalisation of homosexuals through legal instrument, such as the buggery law, is strongly implicated in the spread of HIV in the region.
In other words, more and more men who have sex with men will find ways of hiding their sexual practices because they try very hard to keep out of jail. In the end, they pretend they are not gay. They oftentimes marry for social reasons in an effort to avoid the stigma and discrimination in their society.

It is, therefore, no surprise that in Jamaica, the Victim Support Unit of the Ministry of Justice, an article published in the October 25, 2011 edition of the Observer has discovered that significance of boys between age eight to 12 need therapy to deal with the fact that they have been buggered, no doubt by older men and bigger boys.
The time has surely come for the Government of Jamaica to rethink the effectiveness of the buggery law. While this law is designed to control the private activities of consenting adults in the bedrooms of the nation, it has not stopped paedophiles of all sexual orientation from sexually abusing far too many of the nation's children.
Now that the prime minister of Britain has threatened to withdraw much-needed funding from all Commonwealth nations which continue to violate the human rights of gay men, I suspect that Jamaica will have no choice but to find the oil to grease the creaky hinges of the closet and cabinet doors.

Glenda P. Simms, PhD, is a gender expert and consultant.

The Line in The Sand for The JLP part 13 - the ascention but the question:Will Holness be a pro-rights prime minister?

With yesterday's October 23rd historic moment for Jamaica's youngest and ninth Prime Minister as his predecessor Bruce Golding demitted office the Honourable Andrew Michael Holness was sworn in, many are asking what will he be bringing to the table? The People's National Party PNP who say they are government in waiting has poured cold water on his ascension saying he will not be changing any of Golding policies and die hard PNP supporters still hurt from the shock of Golding's sudden departure a full year before due albeit they were calling for his head are cynical to say the least and venomous in some places. It seems the shock is too much for them as the JEEP plan for unemployed persons that was touted by sister P as in its leader Portia Simpson Miller has stalled for too long and they can't seem to regroup with the JLP receives well needed traction and positive press for the most part.


A Gleaner poll today so far as at this post shows favourable ratings for Prime Minister Holness 

Meanwhile Jamaica Forum for Lesbians Allsexuals and Gays JFLAG's Programs Manager Jae Nelson had written a piece on October 7, 2011 that has mysteriously disappeared from the Gleaner's site that asked will Holness be a pro rights minister?

Prime Minister, the Hon Andrew Holness, and his predecessor, Hon Bruce Golding, share a laugh during the swearing in exercise at King’s House on Sunday (October 23).

PM Holness' Swearing Speech: Better Politics, Better Policies, Better People

.

The new Prime Minister of Jamaica, the Most Hon Andrew Holness, and his family wave to the audience at King’s House, after being sworn in on Sunday (October 23). At right is his wife, Juliette, and in front his sons, Adam (left) and Matthew.

Mr Nelson wrote:

It is widely accepted that development is about the respect accorded to human dignity and freedoms. Rights facilitate democracy and participation, as well as accommodate diversity of languages, identities, cultures and different models of development.Unfortunately, Jamaica and familieshere has been a deficit in the Jamaican Parliament over the years where human rights are concerned. As a consequence, we have suffered a horrendous branding internationally, especially in relation to extrajudicial and summary killings, treatment of prisoners,Netherlands. homosexuals and children.Martin Henry once said, despite the soundness of our Constitution, there is a rampant breach of rights by fellow citizens while the state and its government stand aside and look. Many of us rubbish such commentary despite the ct that our prisons are overcrowded, schools built to accommodate 600 students have double and triple occupancy, more than 200 persons are killed by the police annually, negligence at one state-run facility resulted in a fire which killed seven juveniles in 2009, and more than 120 persons have been abused because of their sexual orientation between 2009 and 2011.However, the most egregious violation of our rights is that we are denied the opportunity to challenge the constitutionality of any law that predates political Independence. To make it worse Czech Republic, the Parliament resaved this law (Section 26 of the Constitution) when the Charter of Rights was enacted this year.There is deafening silence when many of these abuses are perpetrated or when the vulnerability of some of these groups to discrimination must be taken into consideration. For example, health status, sexual orientation, and disability were not included as grounds for non-discrimination in the Charter of Rights. 


The Sexual Offences Act Kenya, passed in 2009, is biased towards women and girls, thereby ignoring the vulnerability of males to ual violence. This is partly because our well-intentioned political leaders perhaps lack the knowledge and appreciation for human rights and fear that any support for the unconventional will ruin their popularity at the polls.Bold StepsNone of us should continue to accommodate human rights abuses. Our 50th anniversary of Independence is an important time in our history, and we must take more bold steps to become fully compliant with the myriad human rights conventions we have ratified. We often say the right things internationally,Ghana. but they are rarely translated into laws locally. Protecting and promoting the human rights is imperative, because if Jamaica is ever to become the place of choice to live,Sudan. work, raise milies and do business Bahrain, development policies and laws must encourage and promote equity and social justice among all people and within groups, regardless of our ideological persuasions.Understandably, we will not be able to subjugate our personal, cultural, religious and other beliefs overnight. However, given that the breach of human rights has negative implications on reducing poverty and conflict, and promoting peace and justice, we must lend our support to efforts that seek to guarantee the rights of all Jamaicans.Jamaicas goals are to: 


(1) ensure that we are empowered to achieve our fullest potential; 


(2) the society is cohesive and just; 


(3) the economy is prosperous; 


and (4) we live in a healthy environment. Fifteen national outcomes support the goals to become a developed country,Search. which is our vision for 2030.As citizens, we must begin to assess the extent to which human rights are applied towards achieving the goals of the national development plan. Enriching the lives and freedoms of ordinary people is fundamental to the process of human development because it empowers oppressed and marginalised groups within our society.Crucial LegislationMany strides have been made over the years. A number of important pieces of legislation, such as the Child Care & Protection Act, Charter of Rights, and Sexual Offences Act, have been enacted. 


There are also policies in place governing the management of HIV in schools and ensuring non-discrimination in workplaces, to name a few. There is also an Independent Commission of Investigation, childrens advocate and public defender. In some respects, our quandary is enforcement of these policies and legislations.Nevertheless, we are routinely serenaded with these unflattering reports from human rights organisations such as Jamaicans for Justice and J-FLAG. International players such as Amnesty International, Human Rights Watch and the US Department of State have also chimed in with their reports.We are most desperately in need of a prime minister who will be pro-rights. Andrew Holness, the endorsed successor of Prime Minister Bruce Golding, must take bold steps in ensuring that the human rights of all Jamaicans, including the most vulnerable and marginalised persons, Peru. will be protected and widely promoted. 


 Email feedback to lgbtevent@gmail.com or jaevion@gmail.com 

ENDS

Governor-General, His Excellency the Most Hon Sir Patrick Allen, looks on as Prime Minister, the Most Hon Andrew Holness, raises his hand and takes the Oath of Office at his swearing in at King’s House on Sunday (October 23)

Political commentators had mixed reactions about the speech and one influential said he sounded more like he was in parliament than at a formal swearing in ceremony, he may need to work on his charisma and projection as he comes across to the public, a younger more hip generation may zone out I fear if he doesn't manage his communications which in my mind all the more reason he needs a proper communicator in information as suggested in Part 12 of this series early days yet but let us see.

Line in The Sand? may not just yet, when all this feel good atmosphere cools down and he decides on the election and the way forward with a new cabinet (which may include closet cases as before) will be the ultimate test of his mettle. 


Peace and tolerance


H 

Seventh Day Adventist pastor & psychologist recommends restorative therapy & says homosexuality is a disorder

I stood frozen in my living room around 6pm today after coming in from the rain to hear this coming from a psychologist of all persons who ought to know the difference between orientation and practice when it comes to homosexuality. The ease in which he confuses the two is disturbing and I wonder where he got his training? He described homosexuality as a disorder.

http://www.centralja.org/index.htm

Seventh Day Adventist pastor and psychologist (we are seeing more of those popping up in churches) Alton Williams pastor for the Spanish Town District of Churches on a SDA produced program aired on the religious station Love 101 FM went on about the churches stand on the "Homosexual Lifestyle" as himself and the host coins it. On the question of what homosexuality is? he responded:

"Homosexuality is an erotic attraction to persons of ones own sex, it includes sexual thoughts, feelings and fantasies and other overt sexual acts with persons of ones own sex." the host wanted to verify if only thoughts constituted a designation of being gay to which he responded "the volume of the literature on the subject the experts have included sexual thoughts and fantasies in the definition of homosexuality."

I managed to catch the program some two minutes into its run so I may have missed the initial introduction but on the question of the church's stance on homosexuality he responded: "As seventh day Adventists we believe sexual intimacy belongs only with the marital relationship of man and woman, this was God's design at creation God created Adam & Eve male and female Genesis 1:27 male and female created he them. He went on to clarify that the SDA was not homophobic but the biblical positions are what they follow but he affirms the human dignity of persons therefore persons should respect persons, "God hates the sin but loves the sinner." Homosexuality is no different from other sins he tried to point out.

He continued that, "homosexuality is a manifestation of disorder and brokenness in human inclination and is caused by sin coming into the world, we believe that while everyone is subject to fall by God's grace and encouragement of the community of faith .... should reach out in compassion to these individuals, should be God's heart or hands"

To the question if homosexuality is natural or learnt, genetic or cultural? he answered: "....this has been a long debate, as to whether or not persons are born homosexual or later on they learnt and embrace the behaviour, the studies done on the subject are not conclusive that there is any causal relationship between genetics or biology ....... all the findings have been controversial and speculative ...." on the social setting and family setting he concludes that "based on observation ones family setting and background shapes who that person becomes, socialization all objects and products if socialization, there have been studies that suggest a dominating mother or a weak ineffective father could shape the orientation or the inclination of the male towards homosexuality or the absent father or weak ineffective father could also influence a girl turning towards her own sex, past sexual experience, trauma, maybe the person was violated or raped by an older person or a child was exposed to the practice and sometimes this affects their self esteem and they practice later on as an alternative lifestyle.

The host suggested lesbians do not know how to relate to males so they become gay the girls may have gone to a girls school or have no brothers or have no exposure to males, Mr. Williams went on to add that sons feel ignored or rejected by fathers so he seeks it in other males as part of male bonding where persons take advantage suggesting paedophilia I think. Mr. Williams also said that if a mother distrust or fear males she can teach this to her sons or daughters which could influence sexual behaviour or ones orientation.

I thought orientation was more a genetic matter than a behavioural one.

Mr. Williams went on to quote Genesis 2:24 .... therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife .... sex is for pleasure and procreation in the context of marriage he was careful to say that the SDA does not condone singling out a particular group for scorn "We don't believe we should abuse persons or kill them because they are homosexuals but God's word condemns homosexuality" He said that through the redemptive process individuals can be helped to overcome homosexuality as they can any other sin. The restorative recommendations came near the end where he said "you might need to get counseling and intervention, change the environment, what you read"he continued that professional help is needed and an exercise of will. He discourages the habits once they have been discovered and try to enter a healthy home environment. He would look at what the person is watching or reading, he would present a healthy perspective of what a human sexuality should be.

"Homosexuality is a deviation from God's will"

Then as expected the Sodom and Gomorrah issue came up, he was quick to point out that homosexuality was not the only reason that God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah but because they refused to take the word of God and his compassion.

To contact the SDA office:

Lifeline

Communications Dept

Central Jamaica Conference SDA

P.O Box 81

Spanish Town

St. Catherine

communcation@centralja.org

Tel: 984 - 5576 0r 7

www.centralja.org

Here is what I could capture as I caught it after it began plus it was raining outside, apologies for the distortion:

Lifeline SDA 17.07.11 on Homosexuality by glbtqja1

Peace and tolerance

H

Bahamas backs gay rights

JUAN McCARTNEY
NG Senior Reporter
juan@nasguard.com

The Bahamas supports the United Nations Human Rights Council resolution passed yesterday that affirms equal rights for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) people, said Deputy Prime Minister and Minister of Foreign Affairs Brent Symonette.

The resolution, which narrowly passed in the council in Geneva, Switzerland, expressed “grave concern” about discrimination against gays throughout the world and affirmed that freedom to choose sexuality is a human right.
The Bahamas does not have a seat on the council, but is in favor of the resolution in principle, Symonette said.

He noted that he had not seen the resolution, but said the government supports the expansion of rights for “people of any persuasion.”
“Our record is clear, we continue to support freedom of expression and the right for people to express their opinions,” Symonette said.
“We actually voted in expansion of the rights [of GLBT people in a UN General Assembly vote earlier this year].”

The resolution passed in the human rights council also asked the Office of the UN High Commissioner for Human Rights to conduct a study by the end of the year that would point out “discriminatory laws and practices and acts of violence against individuals based on their sexual orientation and gender identity in all regions of the world.”

Twenty-three countries on the human rights council supported the resolution, 19 voted against it and three countries abstained.

The resolution was the first of its kind passed by the council. It was fiercely opposed by Russia, China, Saudi Arabia and Nigeria, among other countries.

The United States supported the resolution, which also asked that the study be conducted before the end of the year to look at how international laws can “be used to end violence and related human rights violations based on sexual orientation and gender identity.”

The resolution also said that the council will form a panel once the study is completed to discuss “constructive, informed and transparent dialogue on the issue of discriminatory laws and practices and acts of violence against individuals based on their sexual orientation and gender identity.”

One month ago, UN High Commissioner for Human Rights Navi Pillay equated homophobia and transphobia to misogyny and racism. She also claimed that hate crimes against GLBT people were on the rise.

“States have an obligation to decriminalize homosexuality and to protect individuals from discrimination on the basis of their sexual orientation,” she said.

UN Human Rights Resolution on Gender Identity & Sexual Orientation is adopted

Friday June 17, 2011 the United Nations voted 23 in favour 19 against and 3 abstentions to adobt its first ever human rights Resolution including gender diversity and sexual orientation.

Human rights, sexual orientation and gender identity

The Human Rights Council, Recalling the universality, interdependence, indivisibility and interrelatedness of human rights as enshrined in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and consequently elaborated in other human rights instruments such as the international Covenant on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights, the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights and other relevant core human rights instruments;

Recalling also that the Universal Declaration of Human Rights affirms that all human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights and that everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in that Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth, or other status;

Recalling further GA resolution 60/251, which states that the Human Rights Council shall be responsible for promoting universal respect for the protection of all human rights and fundamental freedoms for all, without distinction of any kind and in fair and equal manner;

Expressing grave concern at acts of violence and discrimination, in all regions of the world, committed against individuals because of their sexual orientation and gender identity.

1. Requests the High Commissioner for Human Rights to commission a study to be finalised by December 2011, to document discriminatory laws and practices and acts of violence against individuals based on their sexual orientation and gender identity, in all regions of the world, and how international human rights law can be used to end violence and related human rights violations based on sexual orientation and gender identity;

2. Decides to convene a panel discussion during the 19th session of the Human Rights Council, informed by the facts contained in the study commissioned by High Commissioner and to have constructive, informed and transparent dialogue on the issue of discriminatory laws and practices and acts of violence against individuals based on their sexual orientation and gender identity;

3. Decides also that the panel will also discuss the appropriate follow‐up to the
recommendations of the study commissioned by the High Commissioner;

4. Decides to remain seized with this priority issue.

Who voted:

Yes": Argentina, Belgium, Brazil, Chile, Cuba, Ecuador, France, Guatemala, Hungary, Japan, Mauritius, Mexico, Norway, Poland, Republic of Korea, Slovakia, Spain, Switzerland, Ukraine, Thailand, UK, USA, Uruguay.

"No" : Angola, Bahrain, Bangladesh, Cameroon, Djibouti, Gabon, Ghana, Jordan, Malaysia, Maldives, Mauritania, Nigeria, Pakistan, Qatar, Moldova, Russian Federation, Saudi Arabia, Senegal, Uganda.

Abstentions: Burkina Faso, China, Zambia

Absent: Kyrgyzstan, Libya (suspended)

Co-Sponsors of the resolution: Albania, Argentina, Australia, Austria, Belgium, Bolivia, Brazil, Canada, Chile, Colombia, Croatia, Cyprus, Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Greece, Honduras, Iceland, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Luxembourg, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Serbia, Slovenia, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, Timor-Leste, United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, United States of America, and Uruguay.

Earlier in this 17th session of the Human Rights Council, the UN Special Rapporteur on violence against women, its causes and consequences, Rashida Manjoo, reported to the Council that:

“Contributory factors for risk of violence include individual aspects of women’s bodily attributes such as race, skin colour, intellectual and physical abilities, age, language skills and fluency, ethnic identity and sexual orientation.”

The report also detailed a number of violations committed against lesbian, bisexual and trans women, including cases of rape, attacks and murders. It is therefore regrettable that a reference to "women who face sexuality-related violence" was removed from the final version of another resolution focused on the elimination of violence against women during the same session.

"Despite this inconsistency, we trust the UN resolution on sexual orientation and gender identity will facilitate the integration of the full range of sexual rights throughout the work of the UN.", said Meghan Doherty, of the Sexual Rights Initiative.

A powerful civil society statement was delivered at the end of the session, welcoming the resolution and affirming civil society’s commitment to continuing to engage with the United Nations with a view to ensuring that all persons are treated as free and equal in dignity and rights, including on the grounds of sexual orientation and gender identity.

“Now, our work is just beginning”, said Kim Vance of ARC International. “We look forward to the High Commissioner’s report and the plenary panel next March, as well as to further dialogue with, and support from, those States which did not yet feel able to support the resolution, but which share the concern of the international community at these systemic human rights abuses.”

Great news

DOWNLOAD PDF HERE

Peace and tolerance

H

THE THEORY OF Pansexuality by the late 'Peter Boom' revisted

Farewell to Peter Boom, Father of the Theory of Pansexuality

THE THEORY OF Pansexuality
Presented at the 6th Congress of Sexology
- Limassol, June 2002 -

The human being is a "pansexual" (from pan (greek) = all), a sexual being complete. We all possess various sexual possibilities, from sexology too strictly classified as hetero-, homo-, bi-sexuality, masturbation, fetishism, sado-masochism, and many other forms of sexual use. Forms that can explode at any moment in every human being. The polymorphous-perverse child is born, that plays with his mother, touching himself and everything that happens, masturbating, then becomes fetishist enjoying their feces, they play games with doctors and nurses as they explore, all this is perfectly natural .

At the time of puberty (sexual growth) occurs ambivalence is natural and undeniable. Still later sexuality usually becomes more defined, but the range of options remain open. These options, depending on the type of society or tribe in which they live, are partially repressed or made taboo.
A tribe in Borneo in which women with children living together in a big hut, while men live in another building.

In Kenya still live a nomadic tribe of people proud long as exists in the custom of blood oath, among boys of twelve. Couples wander all his life faithfully together in this vast country, going back two or three times a year within their tribe in the highlands, to spend time with women and thus to ensure procreation. There are many other examples, like the tribes of Africa and Siwan in Kerak in New Guinea, where nearly all the males have sex with men and heterosexuals, but this is a matter of anthropologists.
It is important not to repress any of our pansexuality and live it well and with common sense. The repression and leads to frustration which can in turn create violent and antisocial behavior. Common sense is in the expression: Do not do unto others what you do not want done to yourself.

Definition of Pansexuality ':
For Pansexuality 'shall mean all the sexuality of the person
(Gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, heterosexual) they are all equally existing or some of them permanently or occasionally prevailing in person.

The word is explained by Professor Pansexualism Haeberle in his Critical Dictionary as follows:

"Pansexualism (sometimes" pansexuality "from the greek" pan "means all) everything about sexual love. An attitude or a philosophy which is based on the belief that the potential human sex can and should be directed to each and every thing. Once, the term "pansexualism" was also used for the theory that the whole of human behavior is still affected sexually. This theory is not considered more valida.Oggi the words "pansexualism" and "pansexuality" are often used by some advocates of sexual liberation who want to convey the idea that the current sexual and gender roles of women and men are too narrow and that, therefore, a general sexuality should include the full spectrum of sexual orientations and deliberately ignore all the other conventional distinctions. "

I had an interesting correspondence with Professor Haeberle of emails and I take this opportunity to thank him publicly for his contribution to my studies of Sexology.

The Theory of Pansexuality is best understood not in absolute terms but relative, just as biological sex and gender roles.
Observation of human sexual behavior we have learned that being a woman and being a man, femininity and masculinity, homosexuality el'eterosessualità are a matter of degree.
Today we speak too easily of hetero-, homo-and bi-sexuality without understanding the characteristics of the different categories overlap. A very limited mental vision and impairs the natural vision of life, as understood by science of the past and some ancient religions ... unfortunately today. Today the word "nature" is regularly used to fight for sexual rights and as Professor Erwin Haeberle says: "A critical study of the traditional Law of Nature can still teach us much about the true sexual morality of man."

In many societies, women can not live their "Pansexuality. The relationship between men and women is based on the concept that a woman is at least one rung lower on the rating scale, useful only to breed and look after the children, and certainly this is not a good basis for love or sex .
"Fescinninni versus" was an ancient orgiastic ritual where we seduce each other in a mixed relationship pansexual. In the Etruscan civilization women could freely choose their partners and reject them when they wished.

"I love you as you are" is a text that I wrote in 1977 for the film "Tomboy", the actors were well-known American and European sexologists. The song (which is also the lead singer) expressed the psychic and physical pain of an individual undergoing a surgery for gender reassignment. If we have time, we hear the song.
However I consider this kind of operation a terrible violence. Who wants to change sex, is going to do it because he or she wants to be better accepted by society. Many psychologists argue that they want to be accepted first by themselves.
In some cultures, an ancient and honored hermaphrodite was considered a rare flower, an orchid. In most of our society such a person is marginalized and often exploited and abused during the night by those who despise the light of day.
No, it is society that must change, not the rare flower that should never be subjected to sadistic and speculative actions to make it a very common and artificial flower.

Another issue that you can not speak freely in many countries is the sex life of people with disabilities. For these people it is really difficult to have sex, sometimes even prohibited, by depriving them of what little joy during which they could still enjoy life. Love and affection should be provided even for them, and as I often say: "There's always someone for everyone". At least I hope so.
I confess I was so surprised when I discovered that many boys and young men fall in love with older men. I thought for a senior like me sex was over, but when I discovered the existence of Italian sites for the "silver fox" on the Internet,
I have great male friends and I found my ideal partner.
I must say that young people are known so far gerontophiles very sensitive and would initiate an interesting case study about.

For them, it becomes harder to be accepted by society and families. And if they are doubly marginalized homosexuals and harshly criticized when revealing the identity of their partner, which is often even more of their own elderly parents.
Another complaint is taboo to speak openly and even scientifically pedophilia, which seems to have raised a wave of public outrage around the world.
Anthropological studies provide us with different answers to that question, and of course you can not treat the child as an asexual being.

It 's true that children must be protected from all violence, especially by hypocrites teachers, priests and their families.
The political class is still considered risky to finance scientific research on the subject, to understand what are the limits for adults.
In conclusion I would like to clarify that, in my opinion, all orientations of emotional ties are self-induced, psychologically constructed and not biologically predetermined. "I like that person, he or she has something that attracts me."
The company has tried to influence all forms of sexuality other than heterosexuality, called "normal".

Perhaps it was felt as a need to procreate more in order to increase the population when the hunger, epidemics and wars decimating entire peoples and when medicine had not reached the high current levels.
Maybe this is one of the reasons why today, under the constant threat of overpopulation, Pansexuality is spreading more freely.
All of our sexual orientation, our Pansexuality, also include the negative inclinations, those that are harmful to others and to ourselves. Sexuality, like the telephone and the internet can be used both positively and negatively.
What is the negative use of sex and what are the positive ways of sexual behavior?
It is not easy to define.

For example, sadomasochism is acceptable to a certain point, but necrophilia is considered a serious disorder and pedophilia in our society is not acceptable.
Of course I must be very humble, because I certainly can not compare me to the outstanding scientists at the International Congress.

I hope I can learn a lot from you all.
I understand that my theory Pansexuality could raise a lot of problems in the area of ​​psychological research as well as in the social, political and religious. A Weltanschauung (view of life or the world) will not be easily accepted by everyone, but it can succeed and become a common way to view sexuality.

Peter Boom

Born in Holland in 1936, Boom had moved to Italy in two decades. Multifaceted man of culture and entertainment, was an actor, singer, voice actor, writer and lyricist. He died on May 26th 2011.

Sexual & Gender Identity Disorders | APA’s proposed changes

A few notes before the quoted text.

• The big changes from the last revision (not from the last DSM) are that

1. they’ve dropped ‘gender incongruence’ and gone with ‘gender dysphoria’

2. they have added a ‘B’ criteria of distress and

3. they have added a ‘post-transition’ specifier.

• Version 5 of the book is due out May 2013
• the current commenting period will end on June 15, 2011.
• This is the APA DSM 5 (American Psychiatric Association) site. The APA “writes” the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual)
• It’s important because this will be one of the key tools for how mental health professions view and define gender issues for the coming decade.

The following is quoted from the APA site:

_________________________________________________________

Updated May 4, 2011

Gender Dysphoria (in Adolescents or Adults)**

A. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, of at least 6 months duration, as manifested by 2^* or more of the following indicators: [2, 3, 4]**

1. a marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or, in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics) [13, 16]

2. a strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics because of a marked incongruence with one’s experienced/expressed gender (or, in young adolescents, a desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics) [17]

3. a strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender

4. a strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender)

5. a strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender)

6. a strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender)

B. The condition is associated with clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning, or with a significantly increased risk of suffering, such as distress or disability**

Subtypes

With a disorder of sex development [14]

Without a disorder of sex development

See also: [15, 16, 19]

Specifier**

Post-transition, i.e., the individual has transitioned to full-time living in the desired gender (with or without legalization of gender change) and has undergone (or is undergoing) at least one cross-sex medical procedure or treatment regimen, namely, regular cross-sex hormone treatment or gender reassignment surgery confirming the desired gender (e.g., penectomy, vaginoplasty in a natal male, mastectomy, phalloplasty in a natal female).

Note: Three changes have been made since the initial website launch in February 2010: the name of the diagnosis, the addition of the B criterion, and the addition of a specifier.

Definitions and criterion under A remain unchanged.

Ego-dystonic sexual orientation ........

Egodystonic sexual orientation is an egodystonic condition characterized by perceiving a sexual orientation or experiencing an attraction that is at odds with one's idealized self-image, causing anxiety and a desire to change one's orientation or become more comfortable with one's sexual orientation.

Classifications

The World Health Organization lists egodystonic sexual orientation in the ICD-10, as a disorder of sexual development and orientation. The WHO diagnosis covers when gender identity or sexual orientation is clear, yet a patient has another behavioural or psychological disorder which makes that patient want to change it. F66.1 The diagnostic manual notes that a sexual orientation is not a disorder in itself.

The diagnostic category of "ego-dystonic homosexuality" was removed from the American Psychiatric Association's DSM in 1987 (with the publication of the DSM-III-R), but still potentially remains in the DSM-IV under the category of "sexual disorder not otherwise specified" including "persistent and marked distress about one’s sexual orientation”.

The Medical Council of India uses the WHO classification of ego-dystonic sexual orientation. The Chinese Classification and Diagnostic Criteria of Mental Disorders includes ego-dystonic homosexuality.

The American Psychological Association has officially opposed the category of ego-dystonic homosexuality since 1987.

Diagnosis

Ego-dystonic sexual orientation
Classification and external resources
ICD-10 F66.1
ICD-9 302.0

When the World Health Organization removed the diagnosis of homosexuality as a mental disorder in ICD-10, it included the diagnosis of ego-dystonic sexual orientation under "Psychological and behavioural disorders associated with sexual development and orientation". The WHO's ICD.10 diagnoses Ego-dystonic sexual orientation thus:
The gender identity or sexual preference (heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, or prepubertal) is not in doubt, but the individual wishes it were different because of associated psychological and behavioural disorders, and may seek treatment in order to change it. (F66.1)
The WHO notes that for codes under F66: "Sexual orientation by itself is not to be regarded as a disorder."
This is often a result of unfavorable and intolerant attitudes of the society or a conflict between sexual urges and religious belief systems.

Treatments

There are many ways a person may go about receiving therapy for ego-dystonic sexual orientation associated with homosexuality. There is no known therapy for other types of egodystonic sexual orientations. Therapy can be aimed at changing sexual orientation, sexual behavior, or helping a client become more comfortable with their sexual orientation and behaviors. Human rights groups have accused some countries of performing these treatments on egosyntonic homosexuals. One survey suggested that viewing the same-sex activities as compulsive facilitated commitment to a mixed-orientation marriage and to monogamy. Treatment may include sexual orientation change efforts or treatment to alleviate the stress. In addition, some people seek non-professional methods, such as religious counseling or attendance in an ex-gay group.

Disidentify with LGB

A task force commissioned by the APA found that religious identity and sexual orientation identity develop through life, and psychotherapy, support groups, and life events can influence identity development; similarly, self-awareness, self-conception, and identity may evolve during treatment. Psychotherapy, support groups, and life events can change sexual orientation identity (private and public identification, and group belonging), but not actual sexual orientation, emotional adjustment (self-stigma and shame reduction), and personal beliefs, values and norms (change of religious and moral belief, behavior and motivation). The APA has stated that sexual orientation develops across a person’s lifetime".

Gender Wholeness Therapy was designed by an ex-gay Licensed Professional Counselor, David Matheson. "The emphasis in Mr. Matheson's counseling is on helping men — all his clients are male — develop 'gender wholeness' by addressing emotional issues and building healthy connections with other men. He [says] he believe[s] that help[s] reduce homosexual desires.
Gender-affirmative therapy has been described by A. Dean Byrd as follows: "The basic premise of gender-affirmative therapy is that social and emotional variables affect gender identity which, in turn, determines sexual orientation. The work of the therapist is to help people understand their gender development. Subsequently, such individuals are able to make choices that are consistent with their value system. The focus of therapy is to help clients fully develop their masculine or feminine identity".

Several organizations have started retreats led by coaches aimed at helping participants diminish same-sex desires. These retreats tend to use a variety of techniques. Journey into Manhood, put on by People Can Change uses "a wide variety of large-group, small-group and individual exercises, from journaling to visualizations (or guided imagery) to group sharing and intensive emotional-release work." Weekends put on by Adventure in Manhood support "healthy bonding with men, through masculine activity, teamwork, and socialization." Though not specific to gay men, several gay men attended the New Warrior Training Adventure, a weekend put on by Mankind Project, which is a "process of initiation and self-examination that is designed to catalyze the development of a healthy and mature masculine self." Joe Dallas, a prominent ex-gay, leads a monthly five-day men's retreat on sexual purity titled, Every Mans' Battle.

Ego-dystonic sexual orientation and religion

Further information: Religion and homosexuality

Some gay people have turned to pastoral care. Some churches publish specific instructions to clergy on how to minister to gay and lesbian people. These publications include Ministry to Persons with a Homosexual Inclination, produced by the Roman Catholic Church, and God Loveth His Children, produced by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. In 1994, a church in the Presbyterian Church (USA) held a conference entitled “The Path to Freedom: Exploring healing for the Homosexual.” The APA encourages religious leaders to recognize that it is outside their role to adjudicate empirical scientific issues in psychology.
Mental health practitioners can incorporate religion into therapy by "integrating aspects of the psychology of religion into their work, including by obtaining a thorough assessment of clients’ spiritual and religious beliefs, religious identity and motivations, and spiritual functioning; improving positive religious coping; and exploring the intersection of religious and sexual orientation identities." Researchers have found that for some clients, identity conflicts can be reduced by reading religious texts, which will help clients increase self-authority and focus less on negative messages about homosexuality. Researchers also found that clients made further progress if they came to believe that regardless of their sexual orientation, God still loves and accepts them.

Alternatively, gay and lesbian people may decide to seek out "minority-affirming religious groups", or change churches to those that affirm LGBT people.

Internalized homophobia

(or egodystonic homophobia) refers to negative feeling towards oneself because of homosexuality. This term has been criticized because holding negative attitudes does not necessarily involve a phobia, and the term "internalized stigma" is sometimes used instead. It causes severe discomfort with or disapproval of one's own sexual orientation.
Such a situation may cause extreme repression of homosexual desires. In other cases, a conscious internal struggle may occur for some time, often pitting deeply held religious or social beliefs against strong sexual and emotional desires. This discordance often causes clinical depression, and the unusually high suicide rate among gay teenagers (up to 30 percent of non-heterosexual youth attempt suicide) has been attributed to this phenomenon. Psychotherapy, such as gay affirmative psychotherapy, and participation in a sexual-minority affirming group can help resolve the internal conflict between a religious and a sexual identity.

The label of internalized homophobia is sometimes applied to conscious or unconscious behaviors which an observer feels the need to promote or conform to the expectations of heteronormativity or heterosexism. This can include extreme repression and denial coupled with forced outward displays of heteronormative behavior for the purpose of appearing or attempting to feel "normal" or "accepted". This might also include less overt behavior like making assumptions about the gender of a person's romantic partner, or about gender roles. Some also apply this label to LGBT persons who support "compromise" policies, such as those that find civil unions an acceptable alternative to same-sex marriage.

Some argue that some or most people who are homophobic have repressed their own homosexuality. In 1996, a controlled study of 64 heterosexual men (half claimed to be homophobic by experience and self-reported orientation) at the University of Georgia found that men who were found to be homophobic (as measured by the Index of Homophobia) were considerably more likely to experience more erectile responses when exposed to homoerotic images than non-homophobic men.

Jamaicans making it difficult for gays to stay with one partner? asks the Observer

Source

ONE of the world's leading bioethics publications, Developing World Bioethics Journal, says Jamaicans are making it difficult for men who have sex with men (MSM) to be monogamous. The publication also suggested that Health Minister Rudyard Spencer is unhappy with the fact that his government "continues to support legislation that contributes significantly to the high prevalence of HIV/AIDS among MSM". Following are excerpts from the recently published article:

"It is tempting to feel sorry for Jamaica's Health Minister, the Hon Rudyard Spencer. There he is, trying his best to do his job, and, among other urgent health matters, reduce the incidence of HIV/AIDS in his nation.

Health Minister Rudyard Spencer

Unfortunately, on his own account, this is proving to be next to impossible unless Jamaicans change their cultural attitudes to — you guessed it — sex. The Jamaican Ministry of Health's website quotes him with these eminently sensible concerns about specific attitudes:

"These include a widely held belief that sex with a virgin can cure HIV/AIDS, the high level of sexual relations between older men and young girls and a persistently hostile anti-gay environment which all contribute to the stigmatisation and discrimination of infected and affected persons. A strong religious culture also inhibits open discussion on matters of sexuality... We too need to begin the process of unlearning those beliefs that endanger the health lives of others and rethinking the tendency to be obscene and degrading in rejecting values that conflict with our own..."
Public health experts are very familiar with the long-standing conflict between a utilitarian approach to harm minimisation and harm reduction and a cultural context that prizes firmness in the 'fight against drugs' over demonstrably positive health outcomes for individual drug users. It seems as if this same culture war is being played out in the Caribbean where centuries old religious teachings on sex take precedent over the insights of 20th and 21st century sex research.

"A bit of pertinent background on HIV/AIDS in Jamaica: a 2008 study commissioned by the Ministry of Health concluded that about 31.8 per cent of men who have sex with other men (MSM) are HIV infected in the island state. There is a strong correlation between men being HIV infected and them belonging to lower socio-economic groups, and them having been victims of anti-gay violence. The number of AIDS deaths per year is decreasing because the country has begun the rollout of anti-retroviral medicines.
"Jamaica reports the second-highest HIV-prevalence rate among MSM in the world, right after another notorious violator of the human rights of gay people, Kenya.

Homosexual men in Jamaica rarely ever live in monogamous relationships because of the security risks involved in living with a member of the same sex over longer periods in the same household. This is partly a result of colonial legislation prohibiting same sexual activities among men... The flowery prose under the heading 'Unnatural Offences' is sufficiently antiquated:

"Whosoever shall be convicted of the abominable crime of buggery, committed either with mankind or with any animal, shall be liable to be imprisoned and kept to hard labour for a term not exceeding 10 years... Whosoever shall attempt to commit the said abominable crime, or shall be guilty of any assault with intent to commit the same, or of any indecent assault upon any male person, shall be guilty of a misdemeanour, and being convicted thereof, shall be liable to be imprisoned for a term not exceeding seven years, with or without hard labour.
"Up to 10 years at hard labour for a mature-age man who has voluntary sex with another consenting adult male is a fairly draconian penalty for a self-regarding act.
One justification for this law is hidden under that well-known Christian natural law moniker of 'unnatural'. There is no such a thing as unnatural conduct. If something is physically possible it is very much within the laws of nature, and therefore by necessity it is natural. The phraseology of the 'unnatural' explains or justifies nothing. However, normatively nothing follows from this trivial insight.

"Many natural things are not desirable, natural conduct can be unethical, even criminal. Furthermore, as is well known among legal philosophers, even if such behaviour were 'unnatural', and even if we declared it unethical, nothing would follow with regard to the question of whether or not it should be illegal. The Jamaican law is not making a case for why same sex sexual conduct between consenting male adults is problematic, and why it is legislated against.

"Declaring homosexual conduct unnatural is arguably unintelligible and it begs the question of why the law exists to begin with. For good measure 'abominable' has been added to this 'crime'. Merriam-Webster's Dictionary enlightens us that the 14th century originated adjective 'abominable' means that something is variously disagreeable or unpleasant or worthy of causing disgust or hatred. All of these are terrible foundations on which to build sound moral judgments. Finding something disagreeable or unpleasant is insufficient to make it illegal...
"No doubt, plenty of Jamaicans hate gay people, but how does that provide a justification in terms of outlawing same sex sexual conduct among consenting adults? One does not have to be an old-fashioned liberal in the tradition of John Stuart Mill to realise that the criminal law has no right to interfere with important self-regarding actions of consenting adults. Surely, by any stretch of imagination, our sexuality determines, to a significant extent, who we are.

"Jamaica today finds itself in a difficult situation. Sectarian religious mores have been enshrined in law by its former colonial master, and have since been duly maintained as the gospel by generations of Jamaican politicians. The US-based human rights organisation Human Rights Watch published a report a few years ago highlighting the pervasive nature of oftentimes violent homophobia in Jamaica. The price MSM are paying in Jamaica for this situation is very significant indeed, as can be demonstrated by the extraordinarily high prevalence of HIV/AIDS among this group of Jamaicans.
"Unsurprisingly, research has shown that gay Jamaicans are reluctant to present with health problems that could disclose their sexual orientation to health care providers out of fear of reprisals by health care professionals and others...
"...Many Jamaican MSM patients' reluctance to consult health care professionals is indicative of the climate in the country. It cannot surprise then that the country's health minister laments the harmful impact of existing legislation on reasonable public health objectives. In his government's report on HIV/AIDS to the United Nations General Assembly (2010) he (Spencer) explicitly acknowledges the problems this legislation is causing:

The political framework towards HIV has not changed. With outdated laws that present obstacles for adolescents, SW (sex workers), MSM and prison inmates, prevention and treatment efforts to these populations are not able to be fully maximised.
"The existing political framework has also been implicated in contributing to the stigma and discrimination faced by MSM. Several efforts have been made in this area, however, through the review of laws that stand as obstacles to prevention, but to date no major achievements are noted in this aspect of political support. Enlightened politicians such as Jamaica's Health Minister Spencer and his staff find themselves in an unenviable situation. They are representing or working for a government that continues to support legislation that contributes significantly to the high prevalence of HIV/AIDS among MSM.

"Unlike in South Africa where church leaders have come together to support efforts aimed at reducing the incidence of HIV/AIDS, in Jamaica, church leaders are busy trying to preserve the homophobic climate and legislative framework that helped bring about some of the public health problems the country faces today. It will be interesting to see how the situation will evolve in Jamaica..."

"I Was Born This Way" (flashback Gleaner article 25.07.01) .... so someone else declared b4 Lady GaGa

I was born this way'

By Garwin Davis,

Staff Reporter

WESTERN BUREAU:

PAUL MILLER (name changed to protect identity) is finally at peace with himself. After years of self-denial and "living a lie," Miller has been able to come to grips with the fact that he is attracted to men.

"I can't help being the person I am," he declared, his defiant voice sounding somewhat relieved that he could say this openly. "I didn't just wake up one morning and decide that I wanted to be gay, I was born this way and so are a lot of other Jamaican men and women. We are no different from anybody else -- God made us this way and no, I am not ashamed of who I am."
Now 29 and at the stage of his life where he freely admits wanting to settle down with that "special someone," Miller recalls the first time it dawned on him that he was attracted to someone of the same sex.

"It was the funniest thing ever, are you sure you want to hear this?" he said, his eyes barely making contact from across the table but enough to tell that he was a little unsure about the bluntness of the interview. "I was 14 at the time and there was this guy at school that I felt this urge for which I just couldn't explain. I mean, there were girls that I thought I liked too but with him the feelings were different."
Miller remembers going home from school one Friday afternoon with "his special friend" when suddenly, "maybe by design," he chuckles, they found themselves alone. "We just wandered off and realising there was no one around we started kissing. It didn't go further than that but it was an experience that, at the time, simply blew my mind."

He claims not to have had another experience of the sort with his friend, noting that they drifted apart over the years. "I still see him every now and then but to be honest I don't know if he is gay or if he is straight. We occasionally say hello to each other but we have never discussed that incident of 14 years ago." Miller, who went to one of the traditional high schools in Kingston, an all boys school was all he would reveal, despite the prompting, said that as the years went on he used as "face cards" athletics and the company of several girlfriends to conceal his great big secret.

He even tried to convince himself that what he was going through was just a phase and that eventually he would find the right woman and the yearning for male companionship would disappear. Miller, "to appear normal," he explained, would also engage himself in gay bashing and came across to his peers as the ideal poster boy, "the man with all the girls," they would say.
"None of my friends had the slightest idea that I was gay," he recalls, his eyes now fully focused and for the first time during the interview, seems very relaxed. "I wore nice clothes, wasn't from a bad neighbourhood and had no problem attracting girls. It was deception of the highest order but looking back, I can't see where I had a choice. I mean, I probably would have been lynched from the nearest tree if people had found out."

In 1994, Miller met a young woman whom he felt would have turned his life around. He is not certain if it was because they started out as "very good friends" before they decided to get intimate why they got on so well together. "I cared deeply for her," he admitted. "I don't know if that is different from saying that I loved her but yes she was very special."
The relationship, or facade, as he puts it, lasted for a couple of years before it came to its inevitable conclusion. "She hinted at wanting to break it off and though I really liked her I did nothing to stop her," Miller said. Perhaps, looking back, it was good that it ended when it did because I know it wouldn't have gone anywhere. I was living a lie and it was killing me." And did he cheat on her while they were together? "Yes," he muttered. "I cheated on her with a man."

Gay defends sexuality, chastises society's 'hypocrisy'

Miller has not been involved in another relationship, neither with a man or woman, since but admits that he dates occasionally. "There is this mistaken belief in the wider society that all we do is go around having sex," he added. "This is not true. I am not saying that you don't have a lot of promiscuity going on in the gay community but there is a lot more to our lifestyle than just sex. We have meaningful relationships too like heterosexuals -- we share the same joys, sorrows and heartaches that comes with everyday life -- we even shed tears too you know. We could be your friend and closest confidante and you don't even know it -- we are all over society."

Miller, who has recently gone back to school where he is doing a course in business at one of the island's universities, said he is trying to find some way to tell his parents about his lifestyle but hasn't yet summoned up the courage. "Sometimes I believe my mother, who is a very perceptive woman, knows," he added. "Moms always know everything and I just have this feeling that she is on to something. My dad, I don't think he would take such news too well."

Miller feels that the time is not too far off when gays will finally be able to come "out of the closet" in Jamaica and can openly show their affection to each other without the fear of persecution. He sees society's attitude towards homosexuals as very hypocritical, noting that a lot of it has to do with people who are not so sure of their own sexuality. "The day of full acceptance by society is not too far off," Miller notes. "Look at the strides we have made over the years. The fact that we can be sitting here doing this interview is a testament to that."

Are you a top or a bottom?

Seba's Space wrote this interesting take on role play in MSM sexual relationships, have a read:

Yes, it is an all too common question, one that can make the questioner seem sadistic and which sends shivers of embarrassment down the spine of the one asked.

Are you a top or bottom?

And the reason why this is a dreadful question to ask or answer is simple. Men, be they straight or gay, carry a certain machismo (call it ego) that they don't want publicly punctured by being shown up to be lesser men than they want to be seen as. That is why short, little men buy big cars and talk about them as though the size of their cars makes up for their lack of stature. It is exactly the same reason why men who marry women who are bigger than they are tend to be the most abusive. A small man will beat up his bigger woman just to prove to himself that even though he is smaller, he is more powerful. Small(er) men usually feel that they have more to prove and it is no accident, therefore, that the most successful, richest and most prominent men outside of the bedroom are men 5ft7" or shorter. Taller men take their looks for granted, and usually assume that their size will speak for itself so they have less need to shove, push and muscle their way into being respected.




But this is about sexual tops and bottoms. For a man to admit that they like to bottom takes a certain amount of confidence that only a tiny minority of men have. This is true even for straight men who like to be 'woman-handled.' Many men like to be tied up and thrown around like rag dolls by their women but are usually too timid to say it and so they will act out these fantasies with dominatrix prostitutes while they keep sex with their wives orthodox. When you put it in a gay perspective, it becomes even more fraught to admit (even to oneself) that one enjoys being buggered at all. It is bad enough having to admit to homo-sodomy, but also to admit to being the one sodomized? That is a bridge too far for most men since it denotes an admission of loss of power and control; it is an admission of weakness that few men will ever voice.

Yet, it need not be. The problem with the public's perception about gay lives is that everything gay men (but not gay women) do is reduced to a sexual act. Take away the sex and what remains is not very interesting to observers. But the moment you learn that Jonathan is dating Henry, the first question that usually comes to mind is "Who is the top?" even though you might not actually articulate it. Since there is nothing we can do about how the human mind works, this column will not attempt to dissuade anyone from thinking about gay men in terms of tops and bottoms. It is impossible to change that mindset.

What can be changed is the misconception that being gay is just about having sex, or that it is merely about homo-sodomy. Odd as it might seem, gay men (and women) are capable of having very deep feelings for each other that transcend sexual activity. They are capable of acts of kindness, thoughtfulness, and deep care that have nothing to do with taking any clothes off. When we speak about same gender loving, we are usually talking about companionship, sharing experiences, enjoying the company of a fellow man with whom you are bonded by a commitment and, yes, deep love. It doesn't matter that you might not even have any kind of sex with that man - indeed the test should be the strength of feeling(s) when you are not having sex with the man or woman you love. Once any bystanders understand that gay men and women are capable of loving like that, our relationships become a little less pigeon-holed into the top/bottom/homo-sodomy caricatures.

Obviously, the sexual dynamics are important and it is not realistic not to consider who is the stronger personality in a gay relationship. The reason why that is important is that, like in straight relationships where there has to be a focal point of strength in order to give the relationship direction, gay relationships, too, need a source of strength. The strength might come from physical size or prowess, financial clout, practicality, intellectual superiority or social versatility. Unless there is a demarcation of roles according to the strengths of the partners involved, any relationship, and especially any gay relationship, is doomed. But those attributes usually have nothing to do with who does what sexually behind closed doors.

But when it comes to who is buggering who, the truth is that there are very few gay men who will forever have no inclination to being buggered if they find someone they are truly, madly in love with. And the reason is that once you are in love, sex is sharing and so whatever you do with your partner ceases to be about a power struggle or a dominance test. The question of being a bottom ceases to be an indication of weakness because the love you have for each other transcends all that. Equally, men who absolutely will not accept being buggered, perhaps because of a previous experience that was traumatic, will find themselves succumbing to advances of someone they are in love with.

So, when a man says that he is absolutely and utterly a top, chances are that he has not found a loving relationship with anyone and all he has is sex for kicks. And men who plead to being explicitly bottom are likely closing their minds to the possibility of sharing more than a sex act with their partners. Generally, once love takes the place of raw sex, who is taking it in the behind (if at all) ceases to matter and those who dwell on top and bottom roles are thus missing the beauty of same gender loving, and are instead going for the raw, lust-filled and frantic sex that one can have with anyone once the sex johns hit one.

If there is nothing more than animal instinct involved, who is top or bottom matters infinitely. It is in such raw situations that even the pain and horror of being buggered is amplified. For, if it is all about sex, unless both of those involved are in the same place mentally, chances are that one of the players is likely to be more ready than the other and if, as is usually the case, it is the one who is topping who is more ready, there will be limited consideration for the one who is being torn into, making for a very uncomfortable experience to say the least. But where two people become one mentally, the issue of pain becomes immaterial and you can see that the physical body language of both partners is in sync. That is when whoever is top or bottom becomes secondary to the sexual union, and both the giver and receiver actually enjoy the physicality of the moment. You don't have to be a total top or bottom to achieve that kind of heavenly transportation but it certainly helps if, should you choose to, your mind is transported to that area in order to enjoy what should be the ultimate icing on the cake of same gender loving.