A criticism I and many others have had over the years of the church or some sections of it in treating persons who are discovered to be same gender loving and booted from their pews has made the Tell me pastor column, however Pastor Dumas's response as a psychologist to me is wanting of what the man ought to do given the circumstances outlined by the supposed letter writer, what was also indicated was that the letter writer went to Jamaica AIDS Support for LIFE, this particular story rings similar to a February 2010 Star News story where a deacon was allegedly recorded by church persons in a seventh day denomination making advances to a boy. He was reprimanded for it and told to sit at the rear of the church. Paedophilia however is not homosexuality although there is same sex paedophilia around but perpetrators may not be necessarily gay. Obviously the religious community does not know how to handle the same gender sex issues that present themselves from time to time whether by consent or duress.
Booted from the Fellowship … said to be a homosexual
Dear Pastor,
I am a young man in my mid-30s who was molested twice at the age of 10 by my cousins. Since then, my life has been a struggle with mixed feelings. However, over the years, I have tried my very best to be totally honest in my day-to-day activities.
When I was 14 years old, I got baptised and started fearing God, but not long after, I realised that I have developed a very sensitive and high sex drive. I started exploring as teens would do, and I noticed that rare things were going on in my mind, mostly when I am around my male companions. At the time, I thought it was the norm for me to feel this way because I was developing into manhood, so I kept it really confidential.
When I was 16 years old, my mother learnt about my situation from a friend who was very concerned about my behaviour around males. She spoke to me about it, but she didn't follow up and we are still living in the same house. We live like normal mother and son.
My real challenge was when the fellowship at my church found out. The pastor preached about it that Sunday. He then called a meeting afterwards, but it didn't go down well, so I walked. One of my pastor's friends taped my voice by setting up a guy to ask me questions while he was acting as a gay.
I was attacked and beaten up badly in the community. I become a victim to many but I didn't move. I stayed in my community and underwent many years of victimisation. When I turned 20, I thought that getting married would have helped, but I also thought that the marriage wouldn't work. It would just be a cover-up.
hate church
I was now totally out of the Fellowship with my church, and even developed hate for the church. I started dating girls and having sex more and more just to eliminate my thoughts from guys. I was still feeling hopeless, empty and I couldn't find any peace of mind, even in the world that I became a part of. I still stood my ground and I stayed strong and brave and faced the situation head on, which as a result helped me to be motivated today.
I am not blaming the pastors and brethren who tried to kill me, or my cousins who started me out or even the society which never sought to find the answers. Since that time, I have never given up hope in myself because I have never accepted being a homosexual or bisexual as a lifestyle. Every day my wish is that I will overcome this behaviour.
Three years ago I was introduced to the Jamaica Aids Support organisation while they were celebrating HIV week. I was introduced to a panel of counsellors which from that time have continued to help me in a very positive way. I am proud to say that I am doing much better and I am serving God again.
I would like to thank the Jamaica Aids Support and the Ministry of Health and also you, pastor.
C.A.R., Kingston
Dear C.A.R.,
You have explained yourself well. You have confirmed what so many practising homosexuals have said, and that is, they were not born homosexual, it was introduced to them by others who were much older than they were. Many practising male homosexuals claim that they were sexually abused by older men which have resulted in them becoming homosexuals. Lesbians make the same claim.
I regret hearing that your church did not show you much love and compassion. However, I am happy that you have been able to receive help from the Jamaica Aids Support. And I am also pleased to hear that you are endeavouring to serve the Lord. I hope that you will find fellowship in a church that recognises that all people are sinners. And as sinners, they should not condemn anyone.
Pastor
ENDS
I was of the opinion the goodly pastor/psychologist would have recommended some further interventions mainly counseling to deal with the emotional scars from the way too early initiation, it is true that many persons are exposed to sex via adult inappropriate contact although his previous recommendations have a reparative therapeutically tinge to them, some more work maybe needed to determine his true sexual orientation, it is however instructive that the writer never intimated he was not gay anymore and surprisingly pastor responds at the end that all are sinners and as sinners they should not condemn anyone. Is he on the road to a more embracing philosophy?This one is a little hard to make out though as there are so many other dimensions to this case that may not have been presented.
Why would the letter writer name the JASL in this piece though, is this a concocted letter to see how the Pastor responds? I hope there is some truth in all of this as these days a kind of unethical smoke screen seems to be pervading our land and advocacy work where persons write under pseudonyms and present sometimes falsified or embellished scenarios to see how perceived homophobic persons respond. We cannot continue to or at any time operate under a false pretext to gain recognition or rights, we must bring things out in the open honestly on a sound ethical footing.
Peace and tolerance
H
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