Facebook & unintentional outings to family members ........

With Facebook now the most widely used social networking site by Jamaican LGBTQI people these days there was sooner or later bound to be some anancyism turning up at some point as we are a people good for that kind of crap. With no clear rules by Facebook as to the use of the account holder having a real photograph of themselves on their profiles dishonest individuals have been running rough shod with photos of buffed man or provocative male images with some intended to lure unsuspecting MSMs in particular who in a short time arrange hook ups while not even verifying and developing any long term e-lationship or chat before the face to face or supposed sexual encounter.

Men who have sex with men are not the only ones who have been duped into this practice with disastrous and near death results.

Such was the introduction to a previous post in June of 2011 where I tried to raise awareness of the fast changing LGBT social scene and the use of social media in hookups and ones own safety from gay for pay predators and fake same gender love seeking folks who have other motives in mind including robbery.

Now we have the issue of family members inadvertently being exposed to persons private socialization in as far as privacy is concerned based on ones settings on their profiles. While many LGBT people in Jamaica are making use of improved free medium to keep in touch and to meet new "friends" and the latest sharing of information the less tech savy user may find themselves in problems with family members and siblings if after when they peruse information and "likes" on the respective profile at the time. Such was the case with this latest episode that has led to this post along with other reports of persons being "discovered" probably family members think they know their relatives until, FACEBOOK!

A twenty odd year old has found himself estranged from his father after they recently reconnected as he resides overseas and was absent from the young MSM's life for some time. His father soon recognised that he was apart of an LGBT group on Facebook as his profile settings was left "open" to reflect where he is active etc, a tersely worded email soon was sent by the curious elder who inquired if he was apart of a gay movement and if he realised that homosexuality was wrong in God's sight?

They have not spoken with the regularity they used to since and this has caused some distress to the young MSM so much so that he removed himself from all gay related groups and pages so as to present a "clean" image to his father who by the way is still on his friends list but hardly responds to pokes and messages sent by his son. I tried suggesting he find a counselor to deal with this issue as I am not qualified for that deep level issue but there are other stories similar to this coming to the fore since this revelation was made in one of the groups just before he removed himself from it. Same gender loving sisters in that group have also shared some concerns and one simply said she closed her old profile and created a new one. The young man had reached out to influentials but as usual we do not have the needed resources and the main stay systems hardly address issues like this so what to do? At best I suggest the following settings under the privacy and account setting tabs to avoid conflicts or unintentional outings. On your profile page beside home (top right hand corner) click the drop down arrow:

Go to: 

Apps and Websites
Control what gets shared with apps, games and websites........ then select Edit Settings

then go to:

How people bring your info to apps they use
People who can see your info can bring it with them when they use apps. Use this setting to control the categories of information people can bring with them......then edit settings .... the following should appear 

Then deselect the persons or relationships etc you want to be seen or not to be seen, the groups etc you are in. That is of course if you had set up a family and relationship group apart from your friends list.

Also on ones profile one can customize the viewers of posts at any given time, it might take a few more seconds to do so but it is worth the wait, that is also of course if you are willing to go through all that.

some control can also be here as well:

select the last option and you can literally type a name or names of persons who may want to block generally while using the above to control what goes fully public or to friends only etc.

Some previous safety suggestions that appeared on that June 2011 entry on hookups are posted are below:

Please bear in mind the following if you or someone you know is planning a face to face meeting following an continued e-lationship

1. Make sure the profiler has a real photo or photos of themselves
2. Ask questions about them, get to know as much as possible as timely as possible
3. Establish telephone contact as early as you see fit
4. Listen for any change in mood, tone or information shared over time
5. Keep the e-lationship going with regular interactions to pick up any changes as well
6. Archive or save suspicious exchanges as you see fit
7. Avoid instant hook-ups without first developing some rapport in the e-lationship
8. Tell a close friend where and when you are going to meet an online friend for the first time
9. Develop a trend in communicating for e.g same times if possible per day for chatting
10. If you decide to meet find an open public area as best as possible, and decide how to behave in that space to avoid any unsuspecting onlookers who may deduce it's a gay link up
11. Decide on clothing and colour or change colours previously agreed to if you are not sure of the individual
12. Study your surroundings when there and get there early (as this young man did)
13. Plan your possible route(s) of escape if necessary
14. Have a weapon of some sort or maze that can create a distraction then escape as quickly as possible
15. Have a trusted friend accompany you if possible and have them away from the actual meeting spot but make sure they can see you
16. Make a call if needed to the person(s) who followed you and keep the line open so they can hear your conversation and call for help elsewhere if needed
17. Set your Facebook profile to "Friends Only" as under "Friends of Friends" all other persons can see you
18. If you are in a group and are active you may turn off the feature where non friends can send you a message or see you photos
19. Use only a sensible face picture as your profile thumbnail so as to avoid stalking

The problematic adding of persons to groups without any restrictive action or vetting that action is also of concern as that has also caused some accidents for persons as sometimes especially if the group is an open one ones activity may appear on their wall viewable by all on their friend's list.

Tinker with the settings and see the ones that suit you best if you do not want to be exposed. Just some suggestions friends.

If all else fails just open another account that they do not know of and do your business.

Peace and tolerance

H

A Failing Relationship: How to Let Go

By Alisa Chagnon

When we are in an established relationship, we quite normally have expectations of our partner. We expect the person whom we love to show concern for our emotional and physical wellbeing, be respectful, kind, and give us a general feeling of safety and protection from life's stressors. What do we do when the other person in the relationship is failing to meet our needs?

There is a two-step process for this situation to occur in the first place. The first being that we must ask ourselves if we entered into the relationship in which our partner did not demonstrate a large amount of these qualities to begin with. When falling in love, we sometimes only see the pleasing elements of a person's personality and overlook the seemingly potentially disturbing aspects.

Once the relationship has been established, as time goes on, this can lead to an inevitable realization that our partner in the relationship is not all that we desired. Disappointed and saddened that we feel we are not receiving the love we deserve, a person can quickly become frustrated, confused, and/or depressed.

The second way in which a person can begin to make us wonder if they truly care about us, is the situation in which their feelings toward us have apparently changed. In this case, our significant other did in fact display quality personality elements, provided us with the emotional support and gave us a feeling of love and safety in the relationship, and then they withdrew.

There are significant amounts of ways in which we may feel that our partner may be failing us. A sudden decrease in phone calls, a lack of questions and concerns regarding our personal life, spaces of time that are unaccounted for as we attempt to contact them to no avail, and being unfaithful are a few. Regardless of what actions they are doing, if we feel that they are not in love with us as previously thought, it can cause confusion and frustration. Understanding the situation for what it is can then lead to finding a solution to help us cope

There are many reasons why our partner may be displaying a lack of love, respect and kindness. A person may have reached a point in their life in which they question themselves and their ability to be in a serious relationship. They wish to distance themselves, as they feel they need freedom to consider their options. They may simply have decided that the relationship is not what they desire. A person may choose to exit the relationship slowly, because they do not possess the ability tell us pointblank.

When this happens, it is a natural instinct to question the other person in the relationship, try to learn why they are causing us to feel rejected and attempt to correct the problem. While counseling may work for specific relationship problems, this will only have a possibility of effectiveness if both partners wish to remain in the relationship. A large amount of patience and dedication is required to repair a relationship in this way.

However, if your partner simply does not possess the yearning of staying in the relationship, the single most important element to know is this: No matter how strongly you may desire a relationship, if the other person is not providing you with love there is nothing you can do about it. Questioning, prodding or even counseling will not force a person to love you. In fact, questioning their actions, demanding explanations, and attempting to force them into showing love will only push them away more rapidly. Just as we have freewill to do as we wish with our lives, our partner has this right also.

Feeling rejected is one of the saddest emotions we can have. Especially when we have shown and felt very strong love for another person and the relationship is failing. We ourselves, feel like failures. We may questions what we may have done wrong. We may struggle to think of a way to make the person care for us. Realize that nothing you did or said causes a person to fall out of love. True love does not stop, and if the relationship is fading, true and lasting love was not in place. Loving a person does not guarantee that we will then receive that same amount of love.

Is disheartening but true, if a person stops loving us, we have two choices. We can accept it or we can allow it to eat away at us. Acceptance of a lost love is the most difficult choice. The majority of people will first enter the phase of denial, hurt and anger. These feeling will eat away at us, causing problems in our family life, our personal life and our career. The emotional pain that we feel can most often seem to be such a large obstacle that it appears to be impossible to simply accept the situation. Feeling as though all our dreams and hopes for a future with the person we love has suddenly gone away is sometimes unbearable.

Sadly, despite how unhappy we may feel, our feeling of sorrow will not change the situation. In desperation, we may pray, beg and daydream constantly for the other person to love us. Nothing will change. If we realize this, the only other choice is to accept it.

Acceptance does not mean that we agree they treated us correctly. Acceptance does not mean that we must shut off our feelings for the other person. Acceptance does not mean that we must somehow feel happy. Acceptance simply means that we are fully aware that the relationship is not going to be as we desired and we sadly cannot change the other person's feelings.

Once understanding this, and accepting this, we can attempt to go on with our lives. Attempting to stay in a relationship in which we are not receiving love is only delaying the separation process. Unless you unwisely choose to remain this type of relationship, which equals feeling rejected and frustrated, a breakup is unavoidable. In a perfect world, the people whom we love so strongly would feel the same way for us. In a perfect world, all of the devotion we gave would come back to us. We do not live in this world, and to imagine we do, does not allow us to deal with the reality of our lives. Letting go is one of the most difficult emotional choices we can make. Letting go, is one of smartest choice we can make.

Relationship stocktaking

WAYNE A POWELL


LIKE the prudent businessman/woman, the beginning of the year is always a good time to take stock. It is from this exercise that the businessman/woman makes certain management decisions.

A relationship would also benefit from a similar exercise. You therefore need to ask yourself the following questions regarding your relationship:

1. What are the 'goods' I have in stock?

2. Do I have these 'goods' in adequate quantities?

3. Am I satisfied with the returns I get on the 'goods' in stock?

4. Should I increase the quantities of the inventory?

5. Should I consider discontinuing those 'goods' and replacing them with others?

How you answer those questions will determine what strategic moves you need to make in the new year.

Stocktaking in a relationship may well be a necessary evil for some couples, especially if the relationship has been going for a long time. It may be that one or both individuals are unhappy with the current state of the relationship and need to decide if and how they should continue. Many relationships are just empty shells as the flames have long been extinguished and they exist only because of the children or the status.

If you don't have any of those extenuating circumstances that would detain you, then like the businessman/woman, you may need to make some critical management decisions at the end of the stocktaking exercise.

Usually when there is stocktaking the business place is closed temporarily so that a concentrated effort can be made to carry through the process. The same approach would be required for relationship stocktaking. One or both parties should agree to enter a period of timeout in order to carry out the audit in a focused way. It may mean little or no communication for a while. This is obviously more workable for those who do not live together.

In some instances one party might feel quite threatened of even frightened by the timeout move and may even seek to thwart the effort. It could well be that this individual is pre-empting the outcome of the stocktaking exercise as he/she could be the 'goods' that need to be discontinued and even replaced.

A stocktaking exercise may not necessarily show negative outcomes, it could well be that you are satisfied with the goods in stock and you may wish to increase the inventory. In this case one can expect that the relationship will grow from strength to strength as there are minor improvements/changes to be made.

Whatever the outcome of the relationship stocktaking exercise, assuming that the process was fair and honest; both parties should accept the results even though it may hurt one or both persons.

It is always better to take those tough management decisions today than to wait until the end of the year when the 'defective goods' in stock may cost you unnecessary time and effort.

HIV/AIDS and intimate relationships

Heather Little-White, PhD,

You have been dating steadily for 15 months and you realise that your partner's physical condition is changing. There are signs of fatigue, a persistent dry cough and weight loss and obviously you are concerned. You encourage your partner to visit the doctor but he/she is reluctant. The condition exacerbates and your partner is resisting all suggestions to visit the doctor.

You are frustrated and as you seek counsel, you are advised to go the doctor together for a general check-up. Reluctantly, your partner agrees and your doctor orders routine bloodwork for both of you. Your worst fears are confirmed that your partner is HIV positive. Luckily, your results are negative. What follows with you and your partner is denial, blaming and some rebellion at taking prescribed strategies for dealing with the infection.

Detecting symptoms

This scenario could happen in your relationship with your partner being HIV-positive, possibly coming to the relationship with the infection or contracting it during the course of the relationship if there was infidelity. You have to be aware of how the disease is contracted and you should also be able to identify symptoms of HIV/AIDS although in some infected persons, the T-cells decline and opportunistic infections that signal AIDS develop soon after initial infection with HIV. There is the possibility that some people with HIV may not show any symptoms for 10-12 years.

Questions

Several questions run through your mind:

Do you stay or leave?

How much are you in love with your partner to decide to stay, despite what others may say?

What about unprotected sex if pregnancy is desired?

What are the implications for having a baby?

What precautions can you take if you decide to stay together?

Does HIV-positive status mean a permanent death sentence for your partner?

Are you willing to learn more about HIV/AIDS to help your partner, even if you are not intimately involved?


What is HIV/AIDS?

HIV is the human immunodeficiency virus that causes AIDS. A member of a group of viruses called retroviruses, HIV infects human cells and uses the energy and nutrients provided by those cells to grow and reproduce. AIDS (acquired immune deficiency syndrome) is a disease which breaks down the body's immune system, making it unable to fight off certain infections, known as 'opportunistic infections,' and other illnesses that take advantage of a weakened immune system (www.thebody.com).

Intimate relationships are shaky when one person has AIDS or is HIV-positive. It is not unusual to feel confused and uncertain about future sexual relationships when diagnosed with HIV. If you love and care for your partner, though, you may find it difficult to end the relationship. Instead, you should find strategies to help you cope with someone living with the diseases who may be debilitated and facing death, especially in the prime years of their life.

Symptoms of HIV

One of the first steps is to be able to identify the symptoms of HIV/AIDS. The symptoms of HIV infection include:

Rapid weight loss

Dry cough

Recurring fever or profuse sweating at nights

Profound and unexplained fatigue

Swollen lymph glands in the armpits, groin or neck

Diarrhoea that lasts for more than a week

White spots or unusual blemishes on the tongue, in the mouth or in the throat

Pneumonia

Red, brown, pink or purplish blotches on or under the skin or inside the mouth, nose or eyelids

Memory loss, depression and other neurological disorders


Symptoms of AIDS

As the infection progresses, it will develop into AIDS with symptoms such as:

A simple boil or wart over the body

A thick, white coating (thrush) infecting the mouth

Shingles (a painful skin rash)

Herpes

Excessive tiredness

High temperatures and excessive sweating

Loss in body weight

Other infections

Persistent diarrhoea


Safer sex

Having HIV or AIDS does not mean that people cannot engage in sex. What is important is that couples must practise safer sex at all times to slow the HIV epidemic, preventing those who are uninfected from becoming infected. If you are HIV-positive, you need to practise safer sex by using latex condoms every time you have sex to prevent infection, reinfection and to stay healthy. In addition to preventing HIV reinfection, condom use is also important in preventing the transmission of other sexually transmitted infections (STIs) such as syphilis, gonorrhoea and chlamydia. Some of these STIs can actually increase the risk of HIV infection and complicate the treatment of HIV.

Critically, sexual contact between two HIV-infected persons also requires the use of a condom. There are different strains of HIV which can be passed between two HIV-positive individuals. This is HIV reinfection, which makes treatment of the infection even more difficult.

Treatments for HIV/AIDS

While there is no cure for AIDS, today HIV patients take a combination of a number of drugs to treat HIV infection and AIDS. They usually take several drugs in combination in a regimen known as highly active antiretroviral therapy. When successful, combination or cocktail therapy can reduce the level of HIV in the bloodstream, even undetectable levels, and sometimes enable the body's CD4 immune cells to rebound to normal levels, especially if the infection is caught early. Some of these drugs are designed to treat the opportunistic infections and illnesses that affect people with HIV/AIDS. In addition, several types of drugs seek to prevent HIV from reproducing and destroying the body's immune system (www.hivsymptomsonline.com)

Testing for HIV

Divorce is increasing because of financial issues and infidelity. Even in marriage, it may be necessary to get tested for HIV. If you want to get tested and your partner resists, you should only engage in safe sex. This should not prevent you from getting tested. The confidence level of your relationship increases when you both get tested together as it means that neither of you have anything to worry about. United States President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama proudly declared on public media that they were both tested for HIV/AIDS, so other married couples are encouraged to do the same (cbs2chicago.com/topstories).

HIV is a sexually transmitted infection so it is not surprising that having HIV has a direct impact on sex in a relationship. It is important to remember that being HIV-positive does not need to define who you are and it is still possible to have a rewarding sexual relationships with understanding partners.

Send feedback/questions to: heatherl@cwjamica.com

Are You Being Authentic in Your Relationship?

Larry James (Relationship Coach and author)

"Authenticity occurs when the head and the heart meet at the lips; when what we think and what we feel is congruent with what we say and do." - Dr. Carl Hammerschlag, Speaker, Author, Healer

Dr. Hammerschlag's quote about sums it up, right? Are you talking the talk and not walking the walk? Are you experiencing the same problems in your relationship that you had last year? Are you living your relationship as an example you would want others to emulate? Are you living in sync with your own values and principles? When you're not authentic, who are you?

Being authentic is the key to truly happy, healthy relationships. It is not possible to be happy without being true to yourself. Unfortunately many people live their entire lives never discovering their authentic self. It is not only a matter of focusing on yourself, but also involves deliberation about how your commitments make a contribution to the good of the relationship.

Being authentic is being genuine. Being genuine is being true to the commitments you have made to each other. It means standing up for what is real. None of the fake persona we often see. The temptation to be fake, phony, or misleading is centered on the desire to feel smart, important, or better than someone else. That is your ego speaking. Shed those pretences. Not being authentic demands a lot of misguided energy. Being authentic is easy. It's being fake that is difficult.

I'm certain that you know you can fool some of the people some of the time (even yourself), but not all of the people all of the time. Authenticity reduces phoniness to nothing.

It seems to me that being authentic begins with being true to yourself. It's knowing that deep within, you know beyond a doubt that who you being is the real you. When you live an authentic life, you are living a life that resonates with your inner being, free from relationships that limit possibilities. Living authentically means to be happy with who you are, as you are. Living with authenticity is a journey that will lead you to your incredible self.

Carol Adrienne, Ph.D., says, "The voice of the authentic self seems to be the same as the intuitive voice, that quiet, but persistent voice that whispers new ideas to us in the middle of the night, on vacation, or after meditating. Intuition speaks in short; clear messages that are qualitatively different from the repetitive mind chatter that makes us feel anxious. Intuition tells us where the authentic choice is - for us."

The truth is, most people are intuitive and can feel when something is not right. They know when you are not being honest with them or yourself.

Shakespeare gave us this ethical principle: "This above all - to thine own self be true." It's practicing greatness - even when no one else is watching. We must learn to live in a way that expresses our real desires, principles and demonstrates our character. When our behavior doesn't match our values, we are not living authentically.

It's not trying to be someone you think your partner wants you to be. It's not doing what you do to just get by, it's doing whatever it takes to have your partner feel assured that you are who you say you are and are consistently doing what's right.

Demonstrating authenticity in your relationship is a prerequisite to having a healthy relationship. It certainly helps if you have a specific intention to be that way.

The great thing about authenticity is that it releases you from the requirement to be perfect. No one is perfect. Just be you own good self.

Authenticity is only one piece of the relationship puzzle. And it is an important piece. Strive to be honest in the sense of allowing your behavior and conversation to be a true and spontaneous expression of your inner feelings.

Being authentic is to be able to live with your guard down; to be venerable; to be able to be yourself, not someone that someone else thinks you should be.

Being authentic requires a balance between being forthright and gaining the interpersonal skillfulness that allows you to be more sensitive and caring to your partner. It means that what you say, what you mean, what you intend, and what you do, are all in alignment and You are worthy of trust and belief. Authenticity means that you are living with integrity, and aspiring to all the wonderful joys life has to offer and doing it with a peaceful heart.

Only when you have evolved into clarity and authenticity by resolving the conflicts, confusion, and self-doubt within, will you be accepted, respected and listened to by your partner. There is great power in being an example of authenticity to your partner.

Being authentic can be defined as unquestionable congruent living - the moment-to-moment alignment of your sincere thoughts, values, emotions and actions. - Anisa Aven

Perhaps your relationship would be much better if you spend less time trying to convince yourself that you are being authentic and more time demonstrating authenticity to your partner. The truth of who you are must be lived not just believed. Once these truths are discovered, you must bring them to life by living them through conscious action. It is through action not thought that you become authentic. Intention to be authentic is great however your actions always speak louder than your words.

The truth is you cannot not be authentic. Even a counterfeit one hundred dollar bill is a genuine counterfeit bill - it is what it is, a very real counterfeit one hundred dollar bill. You have your own personality. Be that. Be authentic. You are what you are doing.

Copyright © 2010 - Larry James - Adapted from the book, "How to Really Love the One You're With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship" by Larry James

Sexual Reproduction for Same Sex Couples?

The Chromosome Chronicles

One of the common arguments against gay marriage goes something like this: marriage is an institution that is meant to support reproduction, and same-sex couples can’t sexually reproduce. Full disclosure: I support gay marriage. However, regardless of my opinion, this entry will help debunk this specific argument. More importantly, I will outline three important discoveries that will one day allow same sex couples to have biological children that are purely made from their genes

The definition of sexual reproduction needs to be clarified here. According to Wikipedia, sexual reproduction passes “a combination of genetic material to offspring, resulting in diversity.” I’m going to clarify: sexual reproduction is when the DNA of the two parental units, through the process of meiosis (formation of a gamete) and the process of fertilization, each contribute to ~50% of the genes of the resulting offspring.

Now let’s go through some basic stem cell science (read: skip this paragraph if you know the basics). Stem cells are characterized by two abilities: self-renewal and potency. Self-renewal describes their ability to divide indefinitely. Potency refers to the fact that stem cells can “differentiate” into different types of specialized cells. Adult stem cells are generally “multipotent” which means they can differentiate into a few cell types. Embryonic stem cells are “pluripotent” which means they can become any type of cell in the body. This is the reason that embryonic stem cells are so interesting: pluripotency. Pluripotent stem cells are a necessity for same-sex couples to reproduce. Now that we’ve covered some basics, we’ll move on to the three important breakthroughs that will make same sex reproduction possible:

1. Cellular reprogramming: the creation of induced pluripotent stem cells (iPSCs)

One source of pluripotent stem cells is the inner cell mass of a developing embryo – embryonic stem cells. However, a technique known as “cellular reprogramming” allows a pluripotent stem cell to be created from a mature adult skin cell after being treated with a number of transcription factors. These cells have been dubbed “induced pluripotent stem cells” or iPSCs. They are nearly identical to embryonic stem cells. More importantly, they are genetically identical to the person who donated the skin cells. This makes the cells “individualized” pluripotent stem cells. These cells can be used to form any type of tissue in the body.

2. Creation of Oocytes (eggs) from pluripotent stem cells

Pluripotent stem cells can be directed to “differentiate” into any type of cell in the body. It was reported in 2003 that scientists successfully directed mouse pluripotent stem cells to differentiate into mouse oocytes. What this means is that a skin cell can be taken from any person (male included) reprogrammed into an iPSC, and then the iPSC can be differentiated into an egg cell. This is the discovery that can help two men have a child together.

3. Creation of Sperm from pluripotent stem cells

The same exact logic from eggs can be applied to sperm. Scientists have recently demonstrated the ability to form sperm from embryonic stem cells. While the team has warned that this science will not be used for fertility treatment, the creation of sperm still has ramifications beyond infertility research. For the purpose of same-sex reproduction, the creation of sperm in vitro can one day help two women have a child together.

Application of these discoveries towards same-sex reproduction:

These three techniques, once perfected will lead to the ability for male/male and female/female couples to have biological children, children who are a combination of their own genes. The creation of eggs from pluripotent stem cells is important for male/male couples, and the creation of sperm from pluripotent stem cells is important for female/female couples. Below, I will walk step-by-step through the scenarios for male/male and female/female couples.

Sexual Reproduction for Gay Couples:

For a gay couple, one man needs to be designated as the father (the one who donates the sperm), and the other as the mother (the one who donates the egg). The “father” in this case can just donate sperm the normal way…no hardcore science is really involved. The “mother,” however, needs to employ the reprogramming and differentiation techniques discussed above. Specifically, this man needs to donate skin cells. These cells must be reprogrammed into iPSCs, and the iPSCs must then be differentiated into eggs (this process is shown to the right). Once the eggs are created, they can be mixed with the sperm from the “father” to create an embryo from two men.

There are a few things to be aware of. First of all, the “mother” is also responsible for donating the mitochondrial DNA, which means that the man who opts to create the egg will also be donating the mitochondrial DNA. Another issue is that men carry an X and a Y chromosome. This means that there is a 50% chance that any gametes (sperm or egg) created from a man will have a Y chromosome. The egg must not have a Y chromosome because it might result in an embryo with two Y chromosomes, which would not survive. Finally, men still cannot carry children (I’m talking about biological men (XY), despite what you may have heard in the summer of 2008), so the embryos created from the two men will have to be implanted into a surrogate mother to deliver the baby.

Sexual Reproduction for Lesbian Couples:

For lesbian couples, there are fewercaveats to be aware of. Once again, one woman must be the “mother” by donating the egg while the other plays the role of the “father” by donating the sperm. The mother can donate the eggs just as a woman normally does through reproductive endocrinology in an in vitro fertilization setting. The “father” must utilize the reprogramming and differentiation techniques described above to produce the sperm (as summarized in the accompanying picture).

Either member of this couple is capable of carrying the embryo (or embryos). If they opt to both carry embryos at the same time, I would go so far to say that the children can be considered fraternal twins. There is one important caveat that the women must be aware of: they cannot have a son. Women only carry XX chromosomes, and neither of them are capable of donating the Y chromosome necessary for male development. For this reason, lesbian couples are only capable of having biological daughters.

Politics, Ethics, and the Like…

The application of technology towards same-sex reproduction, in my eyes, is an advancement for both gay marriage and science. Scientifically, we are learning more about child development every year, and it will allow us to bring more healthy children into the world. For same-sex couples, the once impossible concept of a biological child is now a real possibility.

While I cannot see any ethical arguments against this type of procedure, I am open to a discussion about how far this may be pushing the envelope. In any case, I am still amazed every time I think about how far we have come with the ability to help people through science.

Source

Sunday Observer: Gay man blames peers

— Says many gay murders are committed by homosexuals

BY DONNA HUSSEY-WHYTE
Sunday Observer: hussyd@jamaicaobserver.com

Many may argue that the gay community is falsely accused of excessive violence against its own members, but the horrible wounds on Keron Brown's body tell a different story.
Keron Brown has been crippled as a result of an alleged attack by his lover and his lovers friends recently.

Brown, a homosexual, who has been the object of three brutal attacks, told the Sunday Observer that those who deny that violence is strong in the gay community are nothing more than hypocrites.

"Many of the murders that are committed against gay persons are by their peers. And anybody who wishes to deny this is a hypocrite! I am in it, so I know," said Brown.

As the person playing the female role in his relationships, Brown has on three occasions come close to the point of death after threatening to walk out.

"They (partners) would rather see you dead than let someone else have you," he said. "Gay persons are obsessed, they don't love," he added.

"One of the problem is that they can't trust. I think gay people are very possessive. They are up with themselves and they have no control. I had a partner for five years, but there was this level of mistrust," Brown explained. "I felt my partner wasn't a faithful person. It hurt if you are always there for someone and they are not there for you."

In May 2007, Brown said he had an argument with his lover in which he told him he would be leaving the union. This caused great bitterness, and while he cannot prove it, he felt it was this lover who instigated the slicing of his stomach by 'straight' men.

In January 2008, he was again attacked and doused with acid by this same jealous lover, with whom he had reunited. His face, back and arms are scarred.

"I wanted him out of my life," Brown said. "He was disrespectful. I was told by some spiritual people that I was under his spell and I believed it. He fled with his lover and a large sum of my money. He left for one year and four months and then he came back. I guess the money ran out and he wanted more."

In October last year, Brown once again found himself at the bitter end of the stick with another lover with whom he had been involved for five years. He was attacked by this partner and four of his friends and pushed two stories down from a three-storey apartment building. He suffered severe spinal injuries and doctors have diagnosed that he might never walk again.

In fact, Brown, 25, is now confined to a wheelchair and his face disfigured by the acid. A sharp contrast to that time four years ago when he strolled into the offices of the Observer, his handsome features and extraordinarily cute face drawing the attention of many females.

But despite these permanent scars and injuries, Brown, whose introduction to the gay lifestyle happened when he was eight years old, remains pleasant and hopeful.

"Six months ago I would have been bitter," he said, adding that he even contemplated hiring hit men to avenge him. "But I am aging and I am spiritual so I am no longer bitter. I have forgiven them (the attackers). I have no reason to take action. I believe the good Lord is about to do something."

"We have to remember this is a homophobic and a Christian society. And so we can't flaunt certain things."

He said changing his lifestyle is not as easy as many would want to believe and likened it to a stronghold, one from which it is hard to break away.

"Gay lifestyle is a stronghold," he said. "And when you have a stronghold, you are going to need a lot to transform you."

Brown said he was blind-folded and raped by a 15-year-old boy, while at a boys' home.

"I grew up in a boys' home setting. I did not know my father, and my mother abandoned me at a market when I was seven," he explained, adding that he had no ill feelings towards his mother.

"She left me at a pastry shop in Mandeville and just walked away," Brown told the Sunday Observer. "She was charged with child abandonment and I was sent to St John's Bosco Boys home in Manchester.

He spoke of the physical abuse at a number of these institutions — he passed through 10 of them — by persons whose responsibility it was to taking care of them. It was so bad, he said, that he ended up running away from a number of them. He mentioned incidents in which he was punched in the nose, beaten with hose and electric wire and at one time, was dragged along a corridor by a superintendent of one home.

The well-spoken Brown who attended schools in Kingston and Manchester, said that at one point while in primary school, he was not only physically abused by a major in charge, but prevented from attending school.

At the age of 17, he left Manchester for Kingston and soon after his arrival, he developed a love affair with aanother man.

Brown confesses to never having been with a woman, though his childhood dream was to have a wife and children.

"I used to associate with a lot of closet type people," Brown said. "But I soon got into a more violent type gay community."

But life hasn't been all bad for Brown. He met a partner who lived overseas and who ensured that he furthered his education, established two businesses and had enough money to see his way through. As a result of that relationaship, Brown said he has travelled to over 20 different countries on vacation.

"I look at a lot of gay people who died as a result and I just have to thank God that I am still alive," he said.

Traits of a good mother-in-law

Of course taking into account our homophobic environment there are gay and lesbian relationships however that are tolerated or accepted by parents of the parties involved. I am aware of a few and the orientation of the individuals is secondary to the happiness of the persons who form the union.

Only recently I was a witness to a lesbian commitment ceremony right here in Jamaica so life goes on despite the bitterness in some quarters on same sex unions. Most individuals enter into ultra private unions with careful selection of witnesses and passing on such knowledge to associates and family members.

Here is an Observer article on some expectations from Mothers-in-Law but I always believe that even when parents of gay and lesbian people seem supportive one must never take for granted it will be smooth sailing as persons can change their minds about approvals given to their siblings' relationship engagements.

H

JACQUELINE CHAMPIER

WHEN last have you heard someone boasting about just how much they love their mother-in-law? Maybe a good while back, if ever. If you are one of those persons who really get along well with your mother-in-law, consider yourself blessed, since the more common occurrence is for people to exclaim that they do not like their in-laws and in particular, their mothers-in-law.

Really and truly though, it doesn't have to be this way.

When in-laws are appreciative of each other, there is much more love and happiness in the family. It is really such a joy to see mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law acting civilised with each other and getting along very well.

Those mothers-in-law who get it right do understand that there are certain traits that are necessary in order to be a good mothers-in-law, and they go out of their way to show them. Listed below are some.

*A good mother-in-law is not nosy. She understands her role clearly and does not pry into what does not concern her. Even when she is privy to confidential information, she keeps it to herself, since she knows that 'silence is golden'.

*A good mother-in-law is not biased. If and when she is called to settle a dispute, she does not take sides. She listens actively and if necessary, encourages the couple to seek professional help. If she has to speak, her words are those of wisdom. Oftentimes, she listens more and speaks less.

*A good mother-in-law is kind. She treats her son/daughter-in-law with love and respect, like she would her own child. If something is good enough for her child, she knows that it is also good enough for her son/daughter-in-law.

*A good mother-in-law is not jealous. She knows that even if she has a special place in her child's heart, when the child takes a partner, that position may not be the same. Regardless of what is happening, a good mother-in-law encourages her children to love their spouses with a love that is everlasting, instead of worrying herself about position.

*A good mother-in-law is a peacemaker. If she senses that war is about to break, she encourages all parties to make peace. Her motto is always as follows: 'let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me'.

*A good mother-in-law knows how to go out and when to come in. She usually calls before she visits and at no time will she ever overstay her welcome. She knows when to visit and when to end the visit.

*A good mother-in-law is as wise as an owl and harmless as a dove. She tries at all times not to do or say anything to offend her children. Her words are well timed and are thoroughly thought out and so too are her actions.

*A good mother-in-law is a reservoir of strength. She knows that she is a source of strength for her children. Therefore, she is always ready to give positive advice and encouraging words that are building blocks for life's journey. Finally, she knows that her strength does not lie within herself, and is very much aware that her help and her strength comes from the Lord.

Jacqueline Champier is a counselling psychologist from Mandeville.